artificial insemination syringe
About 25% of recognized pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage. That’s a staggering statistic—one in four. I always thought I would be among the lucky ones, that it wouldn’t happen to me, especially during the chaos of a global pandemic. But it did. Last May.
Having already given birth to two healthy children, I was familiar with the myriad of symptoms that accompany pregnancy. Both of my previous pregnancies had involved some spotting, and at one point, my doctor had suggested I might lose my first child. This time, however, I had a different instinct. I sensed something was off as soon as I noticed the signs. However, I dismissed my anxiety as just typical first-trimester nerves combined with the overwhelming emotions of living through a crisis. Just days earlier, I had seen my little one moving excitedly on the ultrasound screen, but I decided to schedule another appointment for peace of mind. After all, I had been through this before; it couldn’t possibly be anything serious.
So, I went in for my appointment the following day and watched the ultrasound technician’s expression shift, confirming what I feared deep down: no heartbeat. When the doctor entered the room and echoed those heartbreaking words, my world felt like it was collapsing.
You know that dramatic moment in movies when someone receives devastating news? The background noise fades, and all that matters is the breath of fresh air outside? That’s exactly how it felt. I had to return to my car where my family was waiting (no guests allowed in the clinic due to pandemic restrictions) and maintain a facade of normalcy in front of my two small children. I was shattered.
The entire day passed as I acted as though nothing had changed while caring for my kids. That night, once everyone was asleep, I lay in bed and cried for what felt like an eternity. I never imagined that I would be part of that one in four statistic.
Experiencing a miscarriage is inherently isolating, but enduring it during a nationwide lockdown made everything more challenging. I couldn’t have anyone accompany me for the surgery to remove the fetus, nor could I confide in my grandmother, my closest confidante, out of fear of bringing the virus home. I felt more alone than ever, even surrounded by loved ones.
In response to my grief, I focused on my roles as a mother to my five- and two-year-old. I cherished their health and presence even more amidst the turmoil. Despite the heaviness of the situation, I found comfort in old television shows, watching “Jane the Virgin” multiple times for its familiarity amidst the chaos.
I turned to writing, engaged with social media while curating my connections to foster positivity, and when the time felt right, we decided to try for another baby. A year and a half later, as I write this, my rainbow baby is nursing beside me.
Losing a child almost broke me, but the joy that followed the storm has been an incredible blessing.
If you want to read more about experiences like mine, check out this post on home insemination. For those exploring options for starting a family, Make a Mom is a great resource for information on at-home insemination kits. You can also find helpful insights at NICHD about pregnancy and related topics.
Summary
In this heartfelt account, Jamie Carter shares her experience of miscarriage during the pandemic, highlighting the isolation and emotional turmoil she faced. Despite previous healthy pregnancies, she navigated the grief alone, ultimately finding solace in her existing children and the hope of trying again. This journey emphasizes resilience and the joy of welcoming a rainbow baby after loss.
SEO Metadata
Keyphrase: miscarriage during the pandemic
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]