artificial insemination syringe
I can’t even see my beautiful kitchen table right now. Just this week, I discovered a pile of notebooks nestled on a shelf beneath our lizard’s habitat. My electronic drum set has taken over the formal living room, which is also where Amazon boxes seem to accumulate endlessly. Reaching my closet feels like an expedition through a mountain of blankets and sweaters, while my dresser sits empty and my laundry baskets overflow. And honestly, I’m okay with it. Feel free to drop by anyway—my disorganized home doesn’t define my character.
Let’s be real: if you’re judging my home, you might think I’m just a lazy person who doesn’t care about tidiness. You might wonder why I don’t just clean up, put my clothes away, recycle those boxes, and bring order to my life. Surely, I should be organizing my space, dusting, vacuuming, and scrubbing the floors.
But let me tell you something: you can take your judgments somewhere else.
My wonderful spouse and I have three kids, each two years apart, plus three dogs of varying sizes—large, larger, and “occasionally outweighs me.” We both work full-time (yes, my writing counts, even if it’s from home), and we homeschool our children. To top it off, every person in our family has ADHD, and I deal with Bipolar II. We made a conscious choice long ago: we could have a spotless house or joyful children. We opted for happiness.
Now, here comes the counterpoint.
You might argue that we should be able to juggle both—maintaining a clean home and nurturing a happy family. But here’s the kicker: you think our messiness is a sign of laziness or lack of self-respect. The truth is, we prioritize differently. Some people might assume we simply don’t care about cleanliness, but that’s not the case.
Here’s the reality check: a messy home does not equate to moral failure.
Let’s break this down. The notion that “cleanliness is next to godliness” originates from our Puritan heritage. Although this phrase was popularized by John Wesley in the 18th century, the idea dates back even further. The Victorian era only intensified the belief that a clean home reflected a good character. Why, then, do we view a messy house as a moral failing? Why do we jump to conclusions about someone’s worth based on their living space?
There’s no solid moral argument for judging someone with a messy home. Will my kids suffer from growing up in a cluttered space? Not likely. We clean together when we can, and we have fun while doing it. Will they become lazy? That’s not a fair judgment. Will they be socially ostracized because we can’t always host guests? Real friends don’t care about that. We might leave some dishes in the sink or boxes scattered around, but we make time for what truly matters.
You’re judging because society has conditioned you to think a messy house reflects laziness.
Take a moment to breathe. If your house is messy, that’s okay. Maybe you have piles of laundry waiting for attention. We’ve decided that, given our life circumstances and the unique traits of our family, we could either obsess over cleaning or embrace joy. Choosing happiness takes courage. After a lifetime of being told that messiness equals laziness, allowing clutter to exist felt liberating.
Life changes when you have kids. You need more time—time to engage with your children, pursue your passions, and recharge. If you’ve navigated the challenges of 2020, you know that homeschooling isn’t just about worksheets; it requires hours of dedication. I love teaching my children, but it means prioritizing time to recharge as well. Everyone is making choices, so why should my choice to have a messy house be deemed a moral failing?
Here’s the truth: it’s just a choice, like deciding to scroll through social media or take your dog for a walk. When my therapist told me that my messy home was not a reflection of my worth, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Someone finally gave me permission to be myself—messy home and all. I am not my clutter. I am not my unwashed dishes or my overflowing laundry baskets.
No one has the right to judge your character based on your living space. A clean home does not signify a good person, just as a messy one doesn’t indicate a bad one. You can be a kind parent, a loyal friend, and a decent partner without having a spotless house.
So, allow me to extend the same permission my therapist granted me: you are not your messy home.