Breaking the Cycle: Building a Strong and Loving Bond with My Daughter

I want to start by saying that my relationship with my mother is now in a fantastic place—we’re thriving together. However, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. My family has a long history of troubled mother-daughter dynamics; it’s safe to say we could use some family therapy. Often, these relationships only begin to heal when the daughter reaches adulthood or due to some external circumstance. For instance, my grandmother feels obligated to support my great-grandmother, which forces their relationship into a certain mold.

Reflecting on my past, my relationship with my mom was, at times, quite strained. Like many teenagers, I thought I had it all figured out. I skipped school, ran away, and even moved over 500 miles away with a boyfriend who ended up being detrimental to my well-being. I felt as though my mom had given up on me, a sentiment I clung to well into my twenties.

In 2014, I became pregnant with my first child. During my third trimester, I turned to my younger brother and voiced my fears: “What if I can’t do this?” I felt utterly unprepared and couldn’t yet turn to my mom for advice. He reassured me that everything would be fine, especially since I was having a boy—mama’s boys, after all, are a different story. I thought I’d escape the cycle of generational issues this time, and in some ways, I did.

Fast forward to now, and I’m expecting my third baby. After two boys, I was excited to have a daughter, but I still grappled with what a healthy mother-daughter relationship should look like. When I learned I was having a girl last year, my insecurities resurfaced, and I once again found myself asking, “What if I can’t do this?” It felt like I was experiencing the challenges of motherhood for the first time all over again.

Having a daughter terrifies me. I look at her and see reflections of myself. I think about the phases she’ll go through and how her innate curiosity will unfold. Part of me worries that she can already sense my vulnerabilities. I often find myself gazing at my 12-week-old daughter, hoping I won’t fail her. I’ve even voiced this concern to her more than once. While I strive to be a good mother to all my children, having a daughter adds a unique layer of pressure. I’m navigating the complexities of being a good daughter to my own mother while simultaneously striving to be a different kind of mom to my daughter.

I recognize that being a good mom for my daughter means also being a good daughter to my mother. I want to set a positive example for my children, showing them what healthy, functional relationships look like among the women in our family. I’m grateful that my family is committed to healing past wounds. I realize that many people don’t have this opportunity.

I know this journey won’t be easy. Writing has always been my preferred form of expression, and I anticipate some difficult conversations ahead. The moment this article is read, I expect hard talks will follow. I owe it to my inner child, my children, and my mother to engage in these discussions. No more suppressing emotions or pretending everything is alright. I owe it to my daughter to be the best mom I can be, even if it scares me.

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In summary, my journey toward creating a healthy mother-daughter relationship is rooted in breaking generational cycles. I am committed to being an example of love and support, not just for my daughter, but for my family as a whole. This journey is challenging, but it is essential for both my growth and my daughter’s future.

Keyphrase: Building a strong mother-daughter relationship

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