I’m a Solo Parent, and Here’s What I Need Right Now

Parenting

By Jessica Lee
Updated: Sep. 7, 2021
Originally Published: Sep. 7, 2021

Since the pandemic started, we’ve all been under significant stress. From the early days when grocery shopping felt like a risky venture to the current climate of rising cases and societal divisions, it’s hard to find anyone unaffected by the weight of it all. However, for solo parents like me—those without a co-parent—this stress manifests in unique ways.

Let me share my perspective.

I have a childhood friend I need to call. Honestly, I likely owe many people a call. If you were to ask me why I haven’t reached out, I’d say it’s because I’m busy. That’s not a lie; I am genuinely “busy” in the conventional sense. As a solo parent trying to rebuild my life and career while managing two tweens and a persistent virus, my to-do list is overwhelming. Just when I think I’ve made progress, it seems to expand like a hydra—remove one task, and two more appear.

But that’s not the real reason I haven’t called. I could easily make a call while driving to the grocery store or while doing laundry or preparing dinner—tasks I can do on autopilot. Yet, I haven’t. Because my busyness also includes a more insidious kind of stress.

I’ve been occupied trying to reassure myself that I’m not failing my kids. I’ve been busy figuring out how to keep them safe while balancing their mental and physical health. Most importantly, I’ve been making every decision for our little family—from the big life choices to the trivial ones that won’t matter tomorrow—while second-guessing every single decision I make.

This kind of busyness is particularly isolating for solo parents. The fatigue from constant decision-making is magnified during a pandemic, where every choice is laden with nuance and requires all my mental energy, leaving little room for anything else. Eighteen months of this relentless cycle means that things are slipping through the cracks—so many that they look more like craters.

This isn’t a plea for sympathy but rather a call for understanding. It’s an invitation to reach out, especially if a solo parent in your life hasn’t initiated contact.

The distinction between empathy and pity can be subtle, but a recent message from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while illustrated it beautifully. She texted, “Hey, how are you? Did you see this? Your name wasn’t there,” followed by a screenshot from my child’s school. Unsurprisingly, I had missed that important email—yet another thing that fell through the cracks.

That message brought tears to my eyes. Despite the huge thing I’d overlooked, someone noticed and helped me catch it. My friend reached out, even when I hadn’t reached out to her. She understood that I might be struggling, too.

I responded, feeling grateful for her empathy, which stemmed from an awareness of the pressures I face as a solo parent rather than pity. It made me feel seen—something that means the world in times like these.

To clarify: when I say solo parents need empathy, I am not suggesting that other parents don’t need it as well. Acknowledging the struggles of solo parenting during a pandemic doesn’t diminish the challenges faced by those with partners.

I understand that you might be unable to reach out at this moment because you’re navigating a tough co-parenting situation or trying to maintain your own sense of identity amidst the demands of partnership. Relationships and friendships are reciprocal, and it’s natural for one person to need a little more at times. During this pandemic, solo parents may require that extra support. It will balance out eventually; in the meantime, a little empathy and connection can provide a much-needed safety net for those who feel they are falling through the cracks.

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In summary, it’s vital for solo parents to receive empathy and understanding during these challenging times. The unique pressures they face can lead to feelings of isolation, making outreach and connection more important than ever.

Keyphrase: Solo parenting challenges
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