artificial insemination syringe
First off, let me be clear: I’m feeling incredibly frustrated, and sometimes swearing is the only form of self-care I’ve got. You’ve been warned.
To be honest, I’m struggling to handle all this pent-up anger. With Covid skeptics opting for questionable remedies over safe vaccines, anti-mask protests outside schools (seriously?), raging wildfires in California, and the tragic events unfolding in Afghanistan, I can’t help but fantasize about packing up and retreating to a tiny house in the middle of nowhere.
The recent laws in Texas that resemble a dystopian nightmare and the Supreme Court’s inaction on these issues leave me feeling like shouting, “Forget everyone!”
I don’t want to feel this way. I’ve always been the optimistic type, seeing the good in people. I genuinely believed that most individuals are fundamentally good. Well, that belief is wavering.
Last year, I attempted to declutter my life and the relationships within it. Since 2016, I’ve been taken aback by people I thought were reasonable, only to discover they were anti-maskers lamenting on social media about not being able to visit their vacation homes during lockdowns. Those I believed were kind suddenly revealed racist views while claiming they had no prejudice. People I thought were “nice” turned out to be secret Trump supporters. It was shocking and disheartening, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it shook my faith in humanity. Perhaps I was naive, but I was still deeply disappointed.
I didn’t think I could be more disheartened than I was during the peak of the pandemic last year, but here we are. If I wanted to declutter my life then, now I’m ready for a total overhaul.
The anti-maskers have only gotten louder, now protesting at school board meetings instead of just on social media. Those who were quietly supportive of Trump have turned into anti-vaxxers, despite overwhelming evidence proving vaccine safety. Just a few months ago, we felt we were nearing the end of the pandemic, but now it seems we’ve regressed.
Those of us who played by the rules, who stayed home, wore masks, and got vaccinated, are fed up. We’re tired of the selfishness and ignorance of others. We’re exhausted from debating with people who barely scraped through high school chemistry but suddenly act like experts in biopharmaceuticals and public health. We’re done trying to convince others to care.
I’m a sensitive and empathetic person, but honestly, my capacity for empathy has been stretched thin. I’m searching for compassion, but often all I can muster is pity.
As I mentioned, I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to experience this intense anger or mutter that “people suck.” I want to believe in the goodness of humanity.
However, when people reveal their true selves, it becomes easier to identify those who genuinely bring joy into my life. Over the past few years, casual acquaintances have evolved into close friendships based on shared values and concerns. I’ve been heartened by social media friends who actively combat misinformation and share reliable science about vaccines and masks. Connecting with others who also struggle has fostered deeper, more meaningful relationships.
It’s time to elevate my approach to life. I’m talking about a scorched earth strategy. Tear down the old to build something new.
It’s not just individuals who are disappointing; it’s the entire system we live in. Climate change is causing unprecedented devastation. Our education system is buckling under systemic racism and harmful capitalism. Our healthcare system, along with those trying to protect us, is being overlooked. We can no longer depend on concepts like justice to shield us from tyranny. So, yes, my default mindset these days is “forget everyone and everything.” Scorched earth.
I genuinely don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be disappointed in everyone, including myself. And while I sometimes dream of moving to that tiny house and living as a recluse, that’s not my reality. It doesn’t mean I want to cut everyone out; I don’t actually hate everyone. I just want to fill my life with those who truly uplift me, who care for others. I aim to create systems and a lifestyle that support the needs of most rather than a privileged few. I want to surround myself with people who inspire me to grow, who understand that differing opinions can coexist if there’s shared values.
Distractions and negative influences are merely draining my energy, my time, and my spirit. These are chaotic times, and I need all the emotional strength I can gather.
Fortunately, once you eliminate the energy suckers, it becomes clear that the “joy-bringing” people significantly outnumber the negative ones. The past year, and honestly the last five, have been overwhelming challenges. But I refuse to accept that humanity is irredeemable. I refuse to believe that everything is hopeless. The goodness is still out there; we just need to uncover it. Sometimes, that requires burning a few things to the ground.
For more insights, check out this other blog post. And if you’re looking for quality information regarding at-home insemination, Make a Mom is a great authority on the subject. You can also find excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination here.
Summary
In a world filled with frustration and disappointment, the author expresses a desire for change and connection. They reflect on the disheartening actions of others during the pandemic and the resulting anger they feel. Despite this, they emphasize the importance of surrounding themselves with supportive individuals who share common values. A call for a transformative approach to life emerges, advocating for the removal of negative influences in pursuit of genuine joy and connection.
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