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After a minor surgery, I returned home, hoping for a peaceful evening. Instead, I was greeted by a chaotic scene: dirty socks on a stool, oversized shoes strewn across the kitchen, and an overflowing sink of dishes. Prior to my surgery, I had taken the time to clean, run the dishwasher, and tackle the laundry, hoping to make things easier for my son while I recuperated.
Clearly, I was mistaken to believe he would put the clean dishes away or load the dirty ones into the dishwasher, even though he was aware of my situation. I found throw pillows from the sofa on the floor (I’d rather not know how that happened), and a pile of his gym clothes on the dining table. When he finally came downstairs, he barely acknowledged my presence. No inquiry about my surgery—just a quick mention of his plans for the day before he rushed out, music blasting.
In that moment, I felt the urge to run after him and express my frustration over his inconsiderate behavior. My boyfriend even offered to do it for me, but I decided to address my son later. Thankfully, when my other two children returned home, they greeted me warmly and asked how they could help.
After a conversation with my eldest son, who is now 18, he apologized and promised to be more considerate. But the reality is, he still has a lot to learn. He can be quite self-absorbed and often seems oblivious to the needs of others. This change in behavior is surprising, as he was once a very empathetic child, always attuned to the feelings of those around him. Now, however, he often comes across as aloof and inconsiderate.
While I try to instill kindness in him, I notice that shaming him for his behavior only seems to make things worse. He becomes quiet, embarrassed, and tries to make amends for a little while, but then slips back into his own world. As he approaches adulthood, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed at times. He doesn’t hold the door open for his siblings, forgets birthday wishes, and often fails to say “excuse me” when he bumps into someone in public.
Despite these challenges, I refuse to give up on him. It’s my responsibility as his mother to guide him away from selfishness. This means offering constant reminders, having deep conversations, and helping him see that the world is much larger than his immediate concerns. This journey is exhausting, and I often question where I went wrong. I know I can’t control his actions, especially as he nears adulthood, but I will keep working to minimize those inconsiderate tendencies.
Many parents share the goal of raising compassionate children, and I empathize with others who face similar struggles. This is undoubtedly some of the hardest work I’ve ever undertaken.
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Summary:
A mother reflects on the challenges of raising her 18-year-old son, who has become increasingly self-absorbed and inconsiderate. Despite her efforts to instill kindness and empathy, she grapples with feelings of frustration and exhaustion. Through conversations and reminders, she remains committed to guiding him toward becoming a more thoughtful individual, recognizing the importance of compassion in parenting.
Keyphrase: Raising a Kind Child
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