For anyone who has navigated the challenges of parenting a toddler, it’s clear that teaching self-control can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. Young children seem to want everything immediately, whether it’s a coveted toy or a sweet treat. Convincing them to wait for their birthday to receive that special gift or to save dessert until after dinner can often appear impossible.
Children are not naturally predisposed to delay gratification, and as parents, it’s our responsibility to guide them in learning this essential skill. Beyond the obvious lessons—such as the unpleasant consequences of overindulgence (like that infamous incident with too many Skittles during camping)—understanding and practicing self-control is vital for their future success.
In the article “How to Cultivate Self-Control in Children and Why It Matters”, Emma Thompson references a comprehensive study from New Zealand that tracked individuals from infancy into adulthood. The findings reveal a striking correlation: children who exhibited higher self-control at the age of five tended to lead healthier and more successful lives. The study concluded that as these children grew up, those with lower self-control faced more significant challenges:
- They experienced higher rates of health issues (27% vs. 11% for their more patient peers).
- A greater proportion earned less than $20,000 annually (32% vs. 10%).
- They were more likely to have criminal records (43% vs. 13%).
- Substance addiction was significantly more common among them (10% vs. 3%).
Before you lose hope while observing your four-year-old throw a tantrum over waiting for dessert, remember that all is not lost. There are proactive steps you can take to nurture self-control in your children. According to Thompson, “The brain adapts based on its experiences. Positive experiences foster growth, while negative ones can lead to unhelpful wiring.” During childhood, parents have a unique opportunity to shape these experiences. By reading together, playing, and encouraging exploratory behavior, we can create a healthy foundation.
One effective approach is to present situations where children can choose to delay gratification. For example, offer them double the reward if they wait patiently or achieve a specific goal. It’s also beneficial to discuss potential scenarios where impulsivity might arise, helping to reduce stress and promote better decision-making.
Thompson suggests asking children, “What would your future self say?” This question can apply to various situations, from academic performance to social interactions. Older children, in particular, can grasp the concept of long-term consequences, making this an excellent strategy for encouraging a broader perspective.
Additionally, engaging in games that require waiting, assigning chores tied to future rewards, and establishing clear boundaries can reinforce the importance of self-discipline. You may already be implementing many of these strategies, and it’s essential to acknowledge your efforts as a parent.
My five-year-old is just beginning to differentiate between today, tomorrow, and yesterday. So, it’s okay if your child struggles with the concept of waiting for something they desire. Kids naturally gravitate toward instant gratification, and their impulse control will develop over time. For now, we can help them understand that good things often come to those who wait. While they may throw a fit over a toy, we can take pride in the groundwork we’re laying for their future success. And remember, sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable to indulge in dessert first!
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In summary, teaching self-control is essential for our children’s long-term well-being and success. By creating opportunities for them to practice patience and self-discipline, we can guide them toward a brighter future.