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When my former partner and I planned our honeymoon two decades ago, we didn’t give much thought to where we might feel safe as a couple. Often, people assumed we were just friends, and we leveraged that assumption as a protective shield. Friends can vacation anywhere together, so we chose an all-inclusive resort in Aruba, seeking a blend of beautiful beaches and exciting island excursions, alongside easy access to food and drinks. Our safety was a concern, but we didn’t openly identify as a queer couple.
Even after we celebrated our Civil Union in Vermont—the first state to recognize same-sex unions—we remained more hidden than open about our identities. It felt safer to navigate the world as women (before my transition) rather than as a lesbian couple. Although we believed we were physically secure, the emotional stress of hiding who we were lingered. All-inclusive vacations often fall short of true equality.
At home, I was more outspoken about my identity than my ex, yearning for authenticity. Yet during our stay in Aruba, a moment struck me hard: gay couples were excluded from the nightly entertainment geared toward newlyweds. I was furious but silent, recognizing the hypocrisy of an establishment that took our queer dollars while simultaneously denying our existence. While my meals were part of the package, my true self wasn’t included. Genuine inclusivity for queer individuals, couples, and families can be difficult to find while traveling. Although progress has been made, feeling safe and comfortable often remains elusive.
Packing for a trip can be a challenge on its own, but when children are involved—factoring in diapers, night lights, sound machines, and their beloved toys—it becomes even more complex. And then there are the snacks, which seem to vanish before we even reach our destination, necessitating a $75 grocery run upon arrival.
For queer, transgender, or LGBTQIA+ families, travel planning becomes an intricate puzzle filled with complications and risks. While snacks are necessary, so is a plan for medical emergencies. We must carry documentation of our marriage, parental rights, legal gender marker changes, and identification that may not align with our name or gender expression. On our first international trip, we brought our marriage certificate, proof of guardianship, and our daughter’s birth certificate, which confirmed my role as her second parent. We even had legal documents ready that authorized us to make medical decisions for each other.
When seeking bathrooms, we must be prepared to use gendered facilities if family or gender-neutral options aren’t available, all while bracing for potential stares or comments. At airport security, I often get pulled aside because my appearance doesn’t match the gender marker on my ID, leading to unnecessary stress. I sometimes leave behind shirts that boldly express my queerness, as I am already a visible representation of gender nonconformity. I strive to avoid inadvertently affirming others’ biases.
During our travels, we often find ourselves in less-than-queer-friendly areas. When booking accommodations, we seek out LGBTQIA+-inclusive rentals or directly ask property owners about their stance on inclusivity. I choose to come out before someone else potentially does it for me, especially when traveling with children, as their safety and comfort are paramount. Only after these considerations can we truly focus on enjoying our vacation, as safety and comfort aren’t guaranteed.
Though more destinations now welcome queer travelers, they can still be hard to find. A study by Orbitz revealed that 58% of queer travelers spend more time researching travel spots and accommodations compared to their heterosexual counterparts. Six out of ten queer respondents had to cancel or change their plans due to feelings of insecurity related to their gender identity or sexual orientation. Thankfully, resources like the International LGBTQ+ Travel Association and word-of-mouth recommendations from fellow travelers help make planning safer and easier for queer individuals.
Despite the challenges, we deserve to explore the world freely. While some places may not feel ideal for us, prioritizing safety and comfort is essential. I refuse to support establishments that promote bigotry. Fortunately, there are increasing options for LGBTQIA+ travelers to enjoy.
In upcoming articles, I will explore queer-friendly beaches, all-inclusive vacation spots for queer families, romantic getaways for couples, and practical tips for traveling as a transgender individual. Get ready to pack your bags and your favorite queer-themed apparel—we’re going on vacation!