As a parent, the journey of raising a transgender child is both challenging and rewarding. My partner, Alex, and I were overjoyed when we welcomed twins into our family, believing we were adding two boys based on our ultrasound results. We even informed our eldest daughter, Emma, that she would soon have two brothers. When they arrived, we confirmed what we thought: we had two sons.
However, as our twins approached 18 months, Ryan began to express a preference for dresses, skirts, and bright colors. Initially, we interpreted this as typical childhood exploration. Yet, as Ryan pointed to a character in one of their favorite stories and declared, “That’s me,” we realized the significance of her words. Ben, her twin, identified with the boy in the book, while Ryan identified with the girl.
We were taken aback. Was our daughter too young to understand her gender identity? Our eldest daughter had always identified as a girl, and Ben had always identified as a boy. Yet Ryan’s self-identification did not match the label on her birth certificate.
Through our research, we learned that many children begin understanding their gender identity by age 2 or 3. We didn’t force a label on Ryan; instead, we chose to listen. As parents, it’s our responsibility to pay attention to what our children communicate. It became evident that Ryan was expressing a clear and consistent identity as a girl.
Despite our love for her, we felt fear and uncertainty. Initially, we opted for a gender-neutral approach, referring to her as our “big kid” rather than “big boy.” We held onto the hope that this might just be a phase. But when Ryan broke down in tears after being asked if she wanted to be a boy or a girl, we recognized the truth: she was a girl, and we needed to adapt our understanding, not her identity.
With guidance from supportive friends, educators, and professionals, we made the transition to introducing Ryan as a female just before her third birthday. As she grows, she may opt for hormone blockers to delay male puberty and could eventually pursue hormone therapy or surgical options. For now, she is simply our joyful little girl, enveloped in love and support.
The reality is that many transgender individuals face significant challenges. Disturbingly, 40% of transgender people attempt suicide, often due to rejection, bullying, and discrimination. In contrast, those who receive love and acceptance from their families are 82% less likely to consider suicide. For parents who reject their child’s identity, the risk of suicide increases dramatically.
And if Ryan’s feelings were to change over time? Then we would adapt alongside her. In the grand scheme, our child’s happiness and well-being are what truly matter.
I have shared my experiences as a parent of a transgender child to advocate for Ryan and others like her. I write to support families navigating similar journeys. I will continue to tell our story until the hurtful comments cease, such as:
- “This is just trans trash.”
- “A child can’t determine their identity at such a young age.”
- “It’s just a phase; children are too young to understand these decisions.”
These misconceptions are harmful. Ignoring a child’s identity can have dire consequences, including severe emotional distress and, in some cases, life-or-death situations.
While raising a transgender child can be daunting, it is also an incredible opportunity for unconditional love. Witnessing Ryan’s happiness as she embraces her true self is a privilege. I did not impose this identity on her; rather, I committed to nurturing her happiness and health. I stand firm in my convictions and will continue sharing our narrative, unapologetically.
For more insights on parenting and related topics, visit Modern Family Blog. If you’re interested in home insemination methods, check out the Impregnator at Home Insemination Kit for more information. Additionally, the NICHD provides excellent resources on pregnancy and family planning.
In summary, the love and support we provide to our transgender children can significantly impact their lives. By sharing our story, we hope to foster understanding and acceptance in a world that often struggles with difference.