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People often discuss bucket lists, envisioning the experiences they wish to have before they “kick the bucket.” Like many, I’ve entertained my own ambitions for this one wild and precious life, as Mary Oliver beautifully put it. However, my perspective on bucket lists has recently shifted. Instead of a traditional bucket list, I’ve opted for a list of no regrets.
This may sound a bit somber or even pessimistic, and some might argue that having “no regrets” belongs on a bucket list. But allow me to elaborate on the distinction. We typically think of bucket lists as collections of thrilling experiences—like exploring the Grand Canyon or going skydiving. But how often do we actually pursue these adventures? Often, they linger on our mental to-do lists, reminding us of the time passing while we fail to check them off. And when we do achieve these goals, do we genuinely feel more fulfilled? Sometimes, yes, but often, the satisfaction is fleeting.
The problem lies in how we view bucket lists. As Lori Gottlieb noted in her memoir Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, we believe that these lists help us avoid regret, but they primarily serve to stave off thoughts of our mortality. We fill these lists with grand aspirations, hoping to add meaning to our lives, whether or not we accomplish them.
“The longer our bucket lists are, the more time we imagine we have left to accomplish everything on them. Cutting the list down, however, makes a tiny dent in our denial systems, forcing us to acknowledge a sobering truth: Life has a 100 percent mortality rate.” Well, that’s quite a wake-up call.
I refuse to spend my life compiling a bucket list filled with things I may never achieve. Instead, I want to engage in activities that hold real significance for myself and others. This shift in thinking led me to create a no-regret list. Rather than asking, “What do I want to do before I die?” I now ask, “What will I regret not doing while I’m alive?”
For example, I would love to visit places like Iceland, Thailand, and Russia—things that would typically make it onto my bucket list. But would I genuinely regret not experiencing them? Probably not. What I would regret is not spending quality time with family, traveling, and making a positive impact in a child’s life. Those are the moments that truly matter.
This isn’t to dismiss the idea of bucket lists entirely; I actually cherish the concept. Left unchecked, my bucket list could easily stretch for miles, filled with countless desires. However, such an overwhelming list could lead to paralysis, preventing me from taking action. Therefore, I need to concentrate on what truly matters, which is where my no-regret list comes into play.
I don’t want to hide behind a collection of future hopes; I want to actively engage in what counts. By contemplating what I might regret—no matter how morbid it might seem—I’ve discovered a more meaningful approach to living.
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In summary, rather than focusing on a lengthy bucket list filled with unattainable dreams, I encourage you to consider what you truly value in life. By creating a no-regret list, you can prioritize meaningful experiences and actions that will enrich your life and the lives of others.
Keyphrase: No Regret List
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