It’s Not You, It’s Me: The Reality of Loving Someone With PTSD

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I hear my daughter suddenly drop something in her room, and I freeze. My rational mind knows I’m safe, yet my hands tremble and my body stiffens. What’s wrong with me? That’s a complicated question with a multifaceted answer.

Here’s the truth: there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me; I simply live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and it undoubtedly influences my daily life. Frankly, it’s draining to articulate my heightened and atypical responses to ordinary situations. But I’m willing to share my perspective in the hopes that it resonates with someone out there. Whether you are experiencing PTSD yourself or are in a relationship with someone who is, open communication about the realities of this condition is vital. So, let’s get started.

The phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” accurately encapsulates my experience. My feelings of withdrawal and being triggered by seemingly trivial events have little to do with the person I’m with. Here are some insights you may not know about being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD.

PTSD Can Affect Anyone

The portrayal of PTSD in mainstream media often misses the mark. It’s not only reserved for soldiers returning from combat, firefighters, or police officers—those professions where trauma is common. While some individuals in these roles do develop PTSD, the reality is that 1 in 11 people will be diagnosed with it in their lifetime, according to the American Psychiatric Association.

Think of the first 11 people you know personally. Chances are, they’re not all in trauma-related jobs. They could be teachers, stay-at-home parents, students, or service workers—people who appear to go about their lives normally while grappling with their own hidden struggles. The statistic I mentioned only reflects those diagnosed; many others, like me, may have PTSD without even realizing it.

I’m among the 1 in 11 who hasn’t encountered extreme situations. I haven’t been a victim of kidnapping or been caught in a fire. I don’t associate fireworks with gunfire. Instead, I’m just an ordinary person who has faced life-altering experiences.

It’s also crucial to note that PTSD doesn’t always manifest immediately after a traumatic event; it may arise months or even years later. My own PTSD stems from incidents I didn’t recognize as traumatic at the time. Although I sensed something was off, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.

These weren’t isolated incidents but a series of events that culminated in a chaotic situation rooted long before my diagnosis. Loud noises trigger me—not just fireworks or car backfires but raised voices. So, if you’re on the phone yelling at a customer service representative for the umpteenth time, my body might interpret that raised voice as a precursor to trauma, even if it’s just a frustrating call.

How to Cope with PTSD

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to coping with PTSD. What matters is giving yourself permission to lead a fulfilling life despite your circumstances. This could involve confiding in a close friend or seeking therapy and possibly medication.

Self-care is essential for everyone, but it’s especially critical for those living with PTSD. While bubble baths and pedicures can be enjoyable, self-care also means recognizing when to say no to anxiety-inducing situations. If you find yourself reacting disproportionately or feeling stuck in fight-or-flight mode, taking a moment to step back and assess the situation is not selfish—it’s necessary.

It can be challenging to advocate for yourself and ask for time to process, but that’s where your loved ones come in. Don’t hesitate to lean on them for support. If you’re in a relationship with someone dealing with PTSD, open communication about their triggers and how you can help them prioritize self-care can transform your relationship.

As in any partnership, understanding and communication are crucial. I can assure you it won’t always be easy, but it will always be worthwhile. Because you deserve love, and so do they.

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In summary, living with PTSD can profoundly affect relationships. Awareness and open communication are essential for navigating these challenges together. Self-care is vital, and support from loved ones can make a significant difference.

Keyphrase: Living with PTSD in relationships

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