When We Give Our All to Our Families and Work, We Leave Nothing for Ourselves

My children are currently in their rooms waiting for me to wrap up my work, as I am their key to freedom beyond these walls. My daughter is fixated on dollar store beauty tricks, while my son is in need of a ride to his friend’s house.

Tonight, my partner is coming over for dinner, and a few days ago (during a time when I felt more energized than I do now), I enthusiastically proposed a family feast featuring all our favorite summer dishes—ones I would, of course, prepare.

Yesterday was a supposed day off, but I quickly realized how much my house needed tidying up after permitting my kids to hang out with our two dogs. My hair roots were showing, which bothers me immensely; gray roots make me feel washed out, and every time I glance in the mirror, I feel unrecognizable.

After discovering we were on our last roll of toilet paper, I made a comprehensive shopping list that ended up containing almost everything, then launched into a cleaning frenzy until I was so hungry I had to go out for food to avoid snapping at someone.

Once I put away the groceries, the weariness of the day hit me, and I felt like crying. I despise reaching this point—where even minor tasks, like mowing the lawn or paying a bill, can push me over the edge.

I’ve trained myself to think I deserve to play catch-up when I’ve slacked off. After all, I took Friday off and didn’t accomplish anything of worth. But that’s not entirely true. I spent my “mental health day” trimming branches in the yard that should have been dealt with last year. I weed-whacked, changed the oil in my car, took my kids to fetch their friends, and treated them all to ice cream. I even replaced burnt-out light bulbs and shampooed the carpets.

After a date night of dining out and intimacy (an evening that I merely wanted to survive because I had pushed myself too hard that week), I fell into a deep sleep. Now, I have a desire to take my kids out for activities that bring them joy, to prepare a nice dinner because I genuinely enjoy cooking, and to share intimate moments with my partner.

However, all signs today point to burnout—because at this moment, I simply want to bury my head under a pillow and ignore everyone. This isn’t how life is meant to be.

I should have utilized my Friday to recharge from life’s demands, as that was the very reason I planned to take it off. Instead, my martyr complex kicked in, convincing me I could juggle errands, chores, and kids’ activities rather than taking a few hours for myself to read or enjoy my garden.

I keep adding tasks and saying “yes” instead of considering how I really feel. No one is forcing me to take on this burden. In fact, my kids and partner prefer the unburdened version of me who doesn’t crumble at simple questions about ketchup. They want me to enjoy our time together.

A few years back, I realized I didn’t have to shoulder everything alone because it’s impossible to feel happy and healthy while doing so. However, understanding this and applying it are two distinct challenges. There’s no time left for my own interests when I’m constantly worried about keeping the house spotless. I can’t stay excited about activities with my partner when I’m worn out, and I’ve agreed to attend social events when what I truly need is a quiet night at home.

It won’t matter if we order pizza tonight instead of me laboring in the kitchen, especially since it’s summer, and we should be grilling and enjoying simple meals together. One person simply cannot meet the demands of their children, partner, job, and home life without sacrificing their own well-being.

So, why do we persist in this way? Why do we believe this day or week will somehow be different? Why do we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves? Why do we think running on empty is synonymous with being a superhero?

I think I understand: the thought of falling behind is overwhelming, and we convince ourselves that if we don’t do it all, who will? Certainly not those around us who seem far happier because they don’t stress over the little things.

However, living this way doesn’t make us better. Had I taken Friday to reset, I would feel more equipped today. I wouldn’t be irritated with my kids or feel stretched thin. I would look forward to preparing dinner and spending quality time with my family, instead of feeling like a worn-out dishrag.

I need to remind myself that when my own needs are sidelined, everything else suffers. Overcommitting and saying “yes” to everyone but myself breeds bitterness and exhaustion for a reason. We must normalize moms prioritizing their own needs rather than being the ones who pick up everyone else’s pieces. I am going to keep trying to break this cycle because I genuinely feel happier when I do—and that’s more than enough reason to change.

For more insights, check out this related blog post. If you’re exploring options for home insemination, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine provides valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary:

In today’s fast-paced world, we often give our all to our families and jobs, leaving little to no time for self-care. This blog emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own needs and prioritizing them to avoid burnout. It encourages mothers to take the necessary time for themselves, reminding us that we cannot pour from an empty cup. By learning to say no and setting boundaries, we can foster a happier and healthier lifestyle for ourselves and our families.

Keyphrase: self-care for moms

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