A Transformative Experience on My Recent Vacation

Updated: July 27, 2021

Originally Published: July 23, 2021

Everyone has a defining belief about themselves, that one phrase that lies just beneath the surface and seems to encapsulate their entire existence. For some, it’s “I’m terrible at relationships.” For others, it could be, “everyone I trust leaves.” For me, it’s “I have always battled with my weight.”

Through therapy and the passage of time, I’ve come to understand that this identity and narrative have been inherited through the generations, both genetically and energetically. At just 10 years old, my mother took me to Weight Watchers with her. My parents enrolled me in a nutrition and exercise program for teens when I was in 8th grade, aiming to boost my self-confidence before high school. I even remember my grandmother in her mid-80s fainting because she refused to eat anything before stepping on the scale for her weekly weight loss check-in. Clearly, this pattern runs deep in my family.

It’s easy to see how these experiences and various messages—both spoken and unspoken—have shaped a complex, sometimes confusing, relationship with food, fitness, and self-acceptance that has persisted for over 30 years. It’s truly all I have ever known, and I often wonder if there’s another way to live.

A few years back, while getting to know my peers in a professional development program, we were invited to share something significant from our childhoods. I instinctively began recounting my well-practiced tale, one I’ve told so many times it felt almost robotic. But then I hesitated. I found myself crying. I realized I didn’t want to share that story anymore. I didn’t want it to define me. I recognized that I was more than just this narrative; I had more layers, more truth to uncover.

It was empowering to acknowledge that this had been my story, yet it didn’t have to dictate my future. I felt as if I was shedding an old skin; something that once served its purpose but had become limiting. The weight of that old narrative had been stifling, hindering my true self from emerging.

One of my favorite authors, Lexi Harper, speaks about how women often disconnect from their bodies, believing they exist solely to satisfy others. This concept resonated with me deeply. At times, it felt like my body was a stranger, an unwelcome guest that had overstayed its welcome. In her book, The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, Sonya Renee Taylor shares a similar sentiment, explaining that it took a cancer diagnosis for Eve Ensler to realize her body was not her identity; she had cancer, but it wasn’t who she was.

Recently, while on a beach vacation, I observed people’s bodies without the usual lens of envy or judgment. Instead of comparing myself to others, I appreciated the diverse array of shapes and sizes. I found myself genuinely curious about what others might think about their own bodies: too much here, not enough there, too bumpy, too flat. I noticed how we all try to mold ourselves into a narrow standard of beauty that feels unattainable.

As I focused on body language, it struck me that most people seemed to carry an air of self-consciousness, acutely aware of where they fit into the societal body hierarchy. The exception appeared to be those aged 75 and older, who seemed to have moved beyond such concerns.

I also recognized that those who met conventional beauty standards often sought validation through social media, attempting to capture fleeting moments of praise. It was then that I felt a wave of empathy wash over me.

I felt compassion for how society has conditioned us to feel inadequate for not conforming to arbitrary beauty ideals rooted in narrow definitions of success. I empathized with the children growing up in a world that demands their bodies meet certain expectations for others’ approval. Most importantly, I felt empathy for myself and the harm I’ve endured over the years by internalizing these beliefs.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the concept of “incorporate,” with its roots in “core” or “corporal.” Rather than fixating on losing weight or exercising more, my new goal is to feel more present in my body. This transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but I’m actively working on redefining my mind, body, and spirit. As I let go of shame, resentment, and judgment that have consumed so much of my energy, I’m beginning to feel more integrated, whole, and connected to my true self.

For more insights on this journey, check out this related blog post. If you’re looking for expert advice on home insemination, Make a Mom is a great resource. You can also find valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination here.

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In summary, my recent vacation served as a pivotal moment for self-discovery. I realized that my past doesn’t have to define me, and I can actively reshape my relationship with my body and self-acceptance.

Keyphrase: Transformative vacation experience

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