I Don’t Always Want to Be a Mom: Embracing the Reality of Parenting

I’m one of those individuals who firmly believes that everything happens for a reason. I feel as if I was destined to fulfill a particular purpose in life, and that purpose is motherhood. I’ve never aspired to work in corporate settings, nor did I dream of becoming a doctor or a nurse. My desires were simple: to change diapers, prepare bottles, and create art with my children. My heart overflows with gratitude for my kids, and I cherish every moment with them. However, I must admit that I don’t want to be a mom every single day—and that’s completely fine and entirely normal.

Like every mom, I experience my share of tough moments. There have been times when I’ve locked myself in the bathroom, tears streaming down my face, just to escape the chaos. I’ve met my partner at the door with car keys in hand, ready for a quick getaway. On some mornings, I’ve considered pretending to be sick just to avoid the breakfast routine that often ends in a messy kitchen. The reality of motherhood is challenging and often overwhelming.

Now in my forties, I’m a stay-at-home mom with four kids. Although this has always been my dream, I wasn’t prepared for the everyday exhaustion it brings. In the past, I could leave work behind at the end of the day and take a mental break. But as a mom, the job never ends. Even if you work outside the home, you’re still a mom 24/7. If your child falls ill while in someone else’s care, it’s still you who must step in. The weight of responsibility can be daunting.

Motherhood inevitably changes you. It’s impossible to remain the same person you were before kids. The moment you gaze into your baby’s eyes—whether at birth or through adoption—you transform from someone who may have been self-centered to a devoted giver. Often, self-care and personal desires take a backseat.

It’s important to recognize that you’re not a bad mom for needing a break. In fact, feeling overwhelmed is quite common among mothers. There are days when my children’s behavior brings me to tears or when I feel so frustrated that I can’t even jot down a note without losing my mind. It’s normal to yell and lose patience; we all have our limits. Kids have a knack for pushing buttons, and sometimes they hit those buttons hard.

Finding Time for Yourself

So, what do you do when you need a break from mom duties? It’s completely acceptable to step back. This doesn’t necessarily mean booking a weekend at a hotel, which isn’t realistic for many. Instead, take a mental break. If that means serving cereal for dinner or indulging in a long shower, go for it. Sometimes, I even spend a day—or two—in my pajamas. If you don’t carve out some “me” time, things can quickly spiral out of control. Trust me, I’ve been there.

One valuable piece of advice I can offer—one I often need to remind myself of—is to take social media with a grain of salt. What you see online is often just a curated highlight reel. I post adorable family photos, but many of those shots come after countless attempts to get everyone to cooperate. I know I’m not alone in this. Family vacations might involve arguments and tears, and the first day of school can be filled with reluctance. Remember, you’re only seeing the polished version.

If you find yourself wishing to escape from motherhood, that’s perfectly okay. Just make sure you return to your role. If you need professional support, don’t hesitate to seek it. I personally find talking to a counselor incredibly helpful. While she can’t change my home situation, she provides me with the tools to cope. Each day is a fresh start, and it’s vital to remind yourself that you’re doing a good job—you just need a little break now and then. Your kids love you for who you are, and all they really need is your love and support.

We can’t constantly be the best versions of ourselves. There will be days, weeks, or even months when everything feels out of sorts. I know I’ll face times when I feel like giving up—not just on parenting, but on myself. There are days I question my role as a mother. My children aren’t perfect, and neither am I. Grace is essential in every family, so be sure to extend that grace to yourself, too.

Additional Resources

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In summary, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to take a break from motherhood. Embrace the reality that you can’t be the perfect mom every day, and remember to show yourself some grace. Your children love you, and taking time for yourself is crucial for your well-being.

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