You Should Allow Your Child to Discover Their Gender Expression Freely

pregnant woman in pink dress sitting on bed

One of the most challenging aspects of discussing gender is navigating the widespread misogyny and toxic masculinity ingrained in our culture. Boys may feel pressured to conform to rigid standards, such as “Boys don’t cry,” which can feel like a straitjacket on their emotions. Similarly, girls may aspire to womanhood but face the suffocating realities of objectification and the male gaze.

This makes it crucial to engage in meaningful discussions with our children about feminism and intersectionality. Educate them about different societal structures throughout history that have allowed women to stand as equals to men, as well as communities where men could openly express love for other men. The dominant patriarchal oppression we see today—where “real men” are defined by aggression and women are often dismissed—is not a natural state; it is a construct designed to benefit a select few.

For transgender individuals, these societal dynamics can become even more complex. Some pre-transition trans women may feel compelled to adopt hyper-masculine traits to validate their identity, while some late-transitioning women might carry forward misogynistic ideas they absorbed before transitioning. Likewise, trans men might grapple with internalized misogyny as a misguided form of asserting their masculinity.

Growing up in a household steeped in traditional gender roles, I struggled with my identity as a girl. My father embodied the “white knight” trope, while my mother played the “damsel in distress.” I witnessed her attempts to reclaim her autonomy, only to be met with resistance. When my father criticized my behavior, he’d remark, “You’re just like your mother.”

Imagine the confusion of knowing you’re a girl in an environment that devalues femininity. For me, figures like Wonder Woman became a source of inspiration. The strong and multifaceted portrayal of women in media—like the characters from “Little House on the Prairie” and “Little Women”—provided solace and hope.

It’s essential to talk to your children about intersectional feminism and influential figures like Ida B. Wells and Harriet Tubman. Teach them about diverse historical contexts that shatter the notion of a monolithic gender experience. Stories like those of the Sacred Band of Thebes or the Dahomey warrior women highlight the rich complexity of gender that has existed throughout history.

Children require context to navigate their identities. For instance, a child who feels no pain due to a rare condition might see themselves as a superhero, leading them to take dangerous risks without understanding the real consequences of their actions. This illustrates how vital it is for children to have comprehensive knowledge about societal structures and the history of oppression.

If your child is AFAB (assigned female at birth) and appears to reject traditional girlhood, it could be due to the oppressive narratives surrounding femininity. Share empowering stories about remarkable women like Kamala Harris, Serena Williams, and historical figures like Cleopatra.

For AMAB (assigned male at birth) children, it’s important to convey that masculine expression can take many forms. Highlight diverse male figures, from flamboyant entertainers to strong allies, who defy traditional norms.

These conversations should be open and natural, not stemming from fear or discomfort when a child expresses their gender identity. Instead, they should be integrated into your parenting approach, allowing your child to explore their identity without the pressure to conform.

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In summary, it’s crucial for parents to create a supportive environment that allows children to explore their gender expression freely. By providing context and understanding, you empower your child to navigate their identity confidently.

Keyphrase: Allowing Children to Explore Gender Expression

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