I Encountered Another Unpleasant Confrontation with a Random White Man—Here’s Why This Needs to End

The other day, I returned home shaken after dropping my kids off for a playdate at a friend’s house. I had just parked my minivan in front of her home and was walking toward the door with my children following closely behind me. Suddenly, a dark gray SUV pulled up, and a white man with his windows rolled down said, “Excuse me. You should be aware that a lot of kids play around here, and my wife saw you driving 50 mph down the street. She watches our grandchildren, and that’s unsafe. You should be more careful.”

I was taken aback and utterly confused. What on earth was happening, and why was he directing this at me? I turned away and muttered, “Whatever.”

My kids rushed up to me, asking if I had actually been driving that fast. For a moment, I second-guessed myself, but quickly responded, “No. I was not.”

First of all, there are stop signs every 300 feet in this neighborhood, many situated on inclines. My friend’s house is just two doors down from a stop sign on a street where I had to make a left turn from a complete stop. To reach 50 mph, I would have had to speed up, make a screeching stop without leaving skid marks, and back into my parking spot in less than 100 feet in my ancient minivan.

If I could pull that off, I ought to be in a Fast and Furious movie.

Secondly, from wherever they lived, it was impossible for them to have seen me, even if I had been speeding—which I wasn’t. Did his wife possess X-ray vision and a built-in radar gun? Could she see through my tinted windows to confirm that I was indeed the driver of the minivan she claimed to have seen? Did she jot down my license plate?

I simmered during the ten-minute drive home, replaying these details in my mind. When I got home and recounted the incident to my husband, all I received was a distracted “Okay…?” (I might consider it patronizing, but that’s just my opinion. He’s not a bad person, dear reader.)

I was left staring at him, bewildered as to why he couldn’t grasp the depth of my anger. But I, too, struggled to articulate exactly why I felt so furious.

After some time, I managed to pinpoint what was truly bothering me. Why do white individuals insist on policing people of color, especially those just trying to go about their daily lives? All I wanted was to drop off my kids and have a moment to myself.

It’s infuriating and, in many cases, even life-threatening.

Given the current climate of anti-Asian sentiment and the fact that most hate crimes against Asians in the U.S. are committed by white men, I felt unsafe. A recent study indicated that 75% of assailants in anti-Asian hate crimes were white, and these numbers are believed to be underreported. With the staggering 164% rise in reported anti-Asian hate crimes over the past year, it’s reasonable to assume that the percentage of violent attacks by white men has also escalated.

As an Asian American woman with four Asian American children on foot, it was especially intimidating when a white man confronted me. He had the power to harm us; and before you say I’m overreacting, a few years ago, a white man in a pickup truck tried to hit me while I was crossing the street at a crosswalk.

So, no, I don’t think my fear is unfounded.

It didn’t matter how calm he seemed in his self-righteousness; I knew that could change in an instant. In my experience, white people—especially white men—can become hostile the moment they feel their authority is questioned.

He could have stepped out of his vehicle and physically assaulted me. He had the ability to do a lot of things that I would have been powerless to prevent or defend against. He appeared young and fit, and “fit” is not a word I would use to describe myself.

Let’s call it what it is: white privilege.

It didn’t matter that we were in an affluent neighborhood filled with million-dollar homes. I am constantly reminded that I don’t belong, even though I pay my taxes and grew up in this area.

For some reason, white individuals believe they are the only ones entitled to certain spaces; if a person of color is present, they better have a valid justification for being there. We are regulated and scrutinized—some more than others—often under the guise of “guidelines” or “tradition,” which are usually rooted in racism.

For decades, my mother received hate mail in her gated community, primarily inhabited by white residents, and was frequently reported to the HOA for minor infractions by an exceedingly rude elderly white woman.

This entitlement—the expectation that people of color should listen to you simply because you’re white—is a manifestation of systemic racism.

I wish nothing but chronic pain and suffering upon every meddling white person who calls the cops on people of color or posts on platforms like Nextdoor under the guise of concern while being blatantly racist. I don’t want to wish death upon anyone, but I have no qualms about hoping they experience a lifetime of discomfort and inconvenient ailments.

If you want to read more about these issues, check out this post on one of our other blog posts. For those seeking authoritative information, Make a Mom is an excellent resource on at-home insemination, and Healthline provides comprehensive information on pregnancy and IVF.

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In summary, interactions like these highlight the uncomfortable reality of being a person of color and the constant scrutiny faced in everyday situations. The need for individuals to police others, especially from marginalized communities, perpetuates a cycle of fear and mistrust. It is crucial to acknowledge and challenge these behaviors to foster a more inclusive society.

Keyphrase: white privilege and policing POC

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