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As I approach the end of my chemotherapy treatment, I find myself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. The excitement of closing this chapter of my breast cancer journey is undeniable. Yet, there’s an underlying fear about what lies ahead. This is my second fight against breast cancer, and I know all too well the road that follows.
Part of me longs to celebrate—perhaps with a bottle of champagne and a loud cheer at the treatment center—but I also recognize that the aftereffects of cancer linger. Transitioning from being a fighter to a survivor doesn’t erase the profound trauma that shapes your heart, mind, and spirit. Anyone who has endured a traumatic experience understands that returning to “normal” is not an option.
The American Psychological Association describes trauma as “an emotional response to a terrible event,” which can include a variety of distressing experiences. Following such events, it’s common to experience shock and denial, evolving into unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, and even physical symptoms. For some, this trauma develops into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can interfere with daily life long after the initial event.
Having faced significant trauma, you cannot simply “move on” or “get over” what has transpired. It becomes an integral part of your narrative. Yet, there’s an expectation that once I am cancer-free, I should bask in gratitude and joy—an unrealistic notion, as I know all too well.
I am indeed thankful for my second chance—well, really my third chance. But even after surgery and treatment, cancer leaves an indelible mark. I often describe cancer as a relentless adversary that steals away peace and joy. Whether your trauma is medical or stems from another source, the struggle is real.
The well-meaning but often misguided comments from others can compound the trauma. Phrases like “God gives the toughest battles to the strongest people” suggest a divine selection process, implying that I was chosen to endure cancer because I could handle it. If you’ve survived trauma, you’ve likely encountered similar phrases that, while intended to comfort, can feel dismissive and damaging.
I’ve been encouraged to remain strong and positive, but maintaining that outlook isn’t always feasible. While I believe that perspective is often within our control, it becomes increasingly challenging to rise with a genuine smile after facing repeated blows. Instead, the journey is about slowly getting back up and preparing for whatever comes next.
I’ve devised a plan moving forward. I will continue therapy and explore EMDR to help me process the medical trauma I’ve experienced. The reality of facing cancer again after believing I had a minimal chance of recurrence is nothing short of terrifying. My focus is on confronting my situation, building resilience, and navigating the complexities of my past and future.
Rather than striving to return to a pre-cancer “normal,” I aim to forge a new normal. Achieving peace and serenity will require effort. Transitioning from a state of constant vigilance to calm is a gradual process, not an instant switch. I won’t wake up one day feeling carefree after years of being on high alert.
Life after chemotherapy will likely be a blend of hope and anxiety. I look forward to regaining my hair and seeing some side effects fade. However, I am also preparing for radiation and ongoing immunotherapy, which means additional appointments, tests, and treatments. Throughout this journey, I must navigate the emotional ups and downs that have become my new normal.
If you’re grappling with trauma or suspect you may have PTSD, there is hope. The National Institute of Mental Health recommends discussing your situation with a healthcare professional. They suggest engaging in physical activity, breaking tasks into manageable pieces, spending time with trusted friends, and pursuing therapy to address the trauma.
The path to healing is challenging, but it’s preferable to remaining stuck in the trauma zone. No matter how many times I attempt to escape the shadows of my past, they always return. Thus, the way forward involves confronting these challenges, recognizing my growth, and seeking insights that bring me closer to peace.
For more insights and support, check out this blog post or visit Make a Mom for expert guidance on your journey. Another excellent resource is Parents.com for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary: After surviving cancer twice, I’ve come to understand that healing is a continuous journey rather than a return to normalcy. While the road ahead is filled with challenges, I’m determined to create a new normal that honors my past experiences while embracing hope for the future.
Keyphrase: healing after cancer
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