Moms, Let’s Embrace the Casual ‘Drop-By’ Visits

Okay, I know this might not be a popular opinion, but as a new mom just five weeks into this journey, I’m thoroughly enjoying the visits from friends and family! For years, I’ve heard about how these drop-ins can disrupt the sacred bond formed in those initial weeks, with loud and sometimes entitled guests invading your messy home, itching to hold your newborn. One friend shared a story about a visit that turned into a barbecue, leaving her and her husband scrambling to defrost meat while their baby screamed for attention. Another mother recounted how she pushed herself to prepare her home for guests right before giving birth, leaving her exhausted. Some podcasts even suggested banning all “toxic people” for the first few months to preserve that elusive fourth trimester peace.

I totally get the concerns, especially when it comes to germs. I enforced a personal rule that only those fully vaccinated against Covid and T-Dap could visit before my baby turned four months old, based on medical advice. But honestly, I’ve found these visits to be incredibly uplifting and freeing for my type-A personality. Let me explain.

Before becoming a mom and before Covid, I was known for hosting gatherings, always looking for an excuse to invite people over and whip up a spread of food and drinks. I should have shares in “Evite” and “Paperless Post,” considering how often I’ve relied on them, and it seems like Pinterest thinks I’m a caterer with my collection of appetizer recipes. I loved creating elaborate events just for the fun of it.

However, the effort and stress of planning, executing, and cleaning up after these events can be draining, even for the most enthusiastic host. Many of my friends have opted out of hosting because it demands too much time, money, and energy. Accepting invitations can lead to guilt and anxiety about not being able to reciprocate properly. So, we end up isolated in our homes, only meeting up for expensive dinners or special occasions.

The pandemic made me acutely aware of this isolation. When my baby was born, with vaccines becoming available and Covid numbers on the decline, the doorbell started ringing again, and I received texts from friends eager to drop by with food and some much-needed company.

I made a conscious decision to say “yes,” even if my kitchen was cluttered or I had dirty dishes in the sink. I encouraged friends to come by anytime, regardless of whether I had anything special to offer. We coordinated short visits instead of waiting for a perfect weekend, and this shift lifted the pressure off. What came next was a delightful influx of friendly faces, laughter, and conversation. These baby visits liberated me from the burden of ‘hosting’ and transformed my experience.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel the pressure to have a spotless home, prepare a meal, or even put on makeup when friends visited. No one was going to leave a bad review! Embracing the idea that “done is better than perfect,” I realized that a “drop-by” was far better than the often-empty promise of “we should hang out soon.” Plus, it’s been wonderful to see my baby start to form her own little community, with visitors excited to be part of her life from the very beginning.

However, as I enjoyed a lovely coffee visit with a friend this morning, I was struck by the thought that these easy-going visits might not last forever. While I’ll never forget the isolation of my pandemic pregnancy, I’ll miss the casual drop-ins that have become so comforting.

This made me wonder why we shy away from opening our homes unless everything is perfect. Some people only host for kids’ events when they can rent a bouncy castle, and many avoid scheduling visits altogether because of time constraints. That’s why I believe we should normalize the “drop-by” visits! After being apart for so long, we should cherish the opportunity for in-person connections. Schedule a quick, no-frills home visit with a friend or check in on a neighbor with just a cup of coffee. Whether you’re the one dropping by or welcoming guests, set the expectation that this is a relaxed and casual occasion. Serve whatever you have on hand, or even nothing at all—just prioritize spending quality time together. And if you’re feeling shy about having guests at home, plan a spontaneous walk in the park!

In the past, our grandparents had tight-knit communities, and many moms found support right in their neighborhoods. While we have online groups, we’ve lost that casual, face-to-face contact. We now have doorbell cameras to avoid unexpected visitors and often feel anxious when someone tries to video chat without prior notice. We’ve built emotional barriers to shield ourselves from potential judgment, which cuts off the camaraderie that enriches our lives.

When it comes to baby visits, moms should always be in control. You decide who comes, when, and if you want anyone at all. Consult your pediatrician and let your comfort level guide the process. For me, these visits have been a much-needed distraction from the routine of new motherhood and a great way to reconnect with friends after a long separation.

I texted my friend about my thoughts after her visit, and she revealed that she had been hesitant to come by, worrying she couldn’t bring something or stay long. As a busy mom herself, she felt the pressure of expectation. But I assured her that her presence was the best gift! We decided to embrace the ease of “drop-bys” moving forward—no expectations, no pretenses.

Though we might occasionally add wine to the mix because who doesn’t love that?

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In summary, let’s embrace the casual “drop-by” visits! These informal gatherings can enrich our lives, foster connections, and support our journey into motherhood. By prioritizing time with friends and family, we can create a supportive community that enhances our experiences.

Keyphrase: Normalize the ‘drop-by’ visits
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