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“Alright, pull your knees to your chest. It’s time for the butt strips!”
How did I end up here? Is this really happening? Just two days ago, my friend Sarah mentioned that she regularly visits a salon for Brazilian waxes every 4-6 weeks.
“You just lie there, exposing yourself… for a STRANGER? But I haven’t done that since my college days!” She swears by it, her husband loves the results, and she’s been getting waxed for a decade. When she suggested I book an appointment, I immediately laughed it off, saying, “No way, I could never do that.” But the idea lingered in my mind. Is this a rite of passage for women, especially moms, that I somehow missed?
I envisioned Brazilian wax clients as young, fit bikini models. Could a 40-year-old mom of five, with a few extra pounds, really go through with this? Should I even try?
With my thoughts racing, I turned to Google. I typed in questions that reflected my worries:
- “Can a plus-size person get a Brazilian wax?”
- “Can someone with a FUPA get a Brazilian wax?”
- “Will they ask me to move my FUPA during a Brazilian wax?”
- “What if I break the waxing table?”
- “Do you have to get on all fours during a Brazilian wax?”
- “What if I fart during a Brazilian wax?”
As it turns out, people of all shapes and sizes get waxed every day—men, women, young, old, all walks of life. It’s a common part of many people’s grooming routines. I looked at my razor, recalling the constant razor burns and ingrown hairs, and decided it was time to try something new.
I quickly made an appointment at a well-known waxing salon for the next day. I knew if I didn’t act fast, I might back out. After all, you only live once!
Twelve hours later, I found myself sitting in the parking lot, filled with dread. What am I doing? Just go home! They’re going to laugh at you! This is going to hurt! Someone’s going to wax your BUTTHOLE! Deep breaths.
Summoning my courage, I walked into the salon. I told the receptionist I was a Brazilian waxing newbie, and she greeted me with a warm smile. “Wonderful! This will change your life! You’ll leave here feeling like a new woman!”
I struggled to see how looking like a Sphinx cat could be life-changing, but I was willing to find out. Moments later, I was ushered into the waxing room by my technician, Jess.
Jess reassured me that my body was perfectly normal and that she sees all types of shapes every day. Her warm demeanor instantly put me at ease.
After dropping my pants and climbing onto the table—thankfully, it didn’t break—Jess explained the process. She asked for my help in holding my skin taut and even moved my FUPA out of the way when necessary. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as awkward or painful as I had imagined. The wax was warm and soothing, and we chatted about our summer plans, which helped distract me. It turned out we vacationed at the same beach!
“Okay, pull your knees to your chest; it’s time for the butt strips!” I covered my eyes, cringing. Jess was about to see parts of me that I wasn’t sure my husband had ever seen. Am I REALLY going to let her wax my butthole? Yes, and yes. And honestly, it wasn’t bad at all—no farting occurred!
Once it was over and I had my undies back on, I was left wondering what just happened. Back in the waiting room, the receptionist asked, “Wasn’t it wonderful? Don’t you feel amazing?” The whole appointment was a blur, but I felt unexpectedly sexy and clean. I had a new bounce in my step and confidence I hadn’t anticipated from losing my pubic hair.
Will I do this again? Was the pain, humiliation, and anxiety worth it? Absolutely. I swiped my credit card for 12 more sessions. “See you in four weeks, Jess! My new best friend!”
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