artificial insemination syringe
Friends, where do I even begin? It was the morning of my annual OB-GYN visit. Unlike many women, I don’t dread this day. In fact, I actually enjoy it. My doctor is one of my favorite people; he helped bring my four kids into the world! Who wouldn’t appreciate that? The staff is always friendly, and I never feel awkward. I woke up feeling cheerful and ready to tackle the day.
I hopped into the shower, blissfully child-free for once, and remembered to lock the door to avoid any surprise guests. I shave my legs daily; I just can’t stand having hair. This morning was no exception, but I made one small change—I grabbed a fresh razor. While shaving my left shin, I got a bit too enthusiastic and ended up with a cut that looked like a scene from “Psycho.” Blood was everywhere!
After wrapping up my shower, I jumped out and immediately tended to my injury. I wiped away the blood, but it just kept flowing. I had to apply lotion to my legs, as they get dry and scaly otherwise, and I worked around the cut. Once I had the bleeding somewhat under control, I grabbed a chunk of toilet paper to help with the flow. Thanks to the lotion, the toilet paper stuck on nicely, and I thought I was good to go.
Did I mention I was sporting a hefty knee brace on my right leg that set me back a whopping nine hundred dollars? Well, I am. It’s a bitter pill to swallow to need this at 42, but here we are. I can’t wear pants or my beloved yoga capris, leaving me with the option of shorts and dresses since the brace has to rest directly against my skin. Anyway, I threw on my brace and a cute dress, did my hair and makeup, and headed downstairs to say goodbye to my husband and four kids before setting off.
Upon arrival at the hospital, I encountered a friendly gentleman in the elevator. He was in pajama pants due to some leg swelling, and I assured him it was no big deal. I got off on the third floor and was stopped for a COVID screening. I chatted with the staff and complimented one woman on her mask before heading to the office.
Once inside, a cheerful nurse greeted me and handed me some paperwork. Another nurse took me back to the examination room, where we exchanged friendly banter and did the usual checks, including blood pressure. After she left, I undressed, removed the knee brace, and slipped into a gown. Then my fantastic doctor walked in.
It’s always a pleasure to see him. I’ve been his patient since I was 20, and I trust him with my health. He has a great sense of humor and always puts his patients at ease. He conducted the usual exams—breast, stomach, pelvic, and a Pap smear. After a pleasant chat, the visit wrapped up, and I said my goodbyes, promising to return in a year. He handed me a referral for a mammogram, and I made my way to the breast center.
I strolled back to the elevator, wishing the screeners a great day and left. At the next building, I met two more COVID screeners who waved me through when they saw my sticker. I arrived at the breast center, but they informed me they were booked, so I made an appointment to return. I headed back to the parking lot and towards my car.
As I approached my van, I noticed a flash of white. I thought it was trash caught in the wind, but upon closer inspection, I realized it was me! I had a massive piece of toilet paper hanging from my leg—like, the whole roll! I never removed it after dressing my wound. How mortifying!
Throughout my journey, I interacted with 14 people over about two and a half hours, and not one of them said a thing about the toilet paper. They might have noticed, but not a single one brought it up! I mean, come on! I had my shin in my doctor’s face during the exam; there’s no way he didn’t see it. He probably shared a laugh about it with the office afterward. And honestly, who wouldn’t? “There goes Melissa with toilet paper hanging off her like a mummy!”
Let’s talk about me for a second. I got completely undressed and didn’t even notice the toilet paper? How did I manage to walk through two different buildings without glancing down? Once I saw it, though, I couldn’t unsee it. It was huge!
I’m not one to shy away from my mishaps. My first instinct wasn’t to yank off the toilet paper and flee to the safety of my car; no, I had to snap a picture and share it with my family. Then I started crafting a Facebook post because, why not? Fourteen people had already seen it; what did it matter?
While some might reconsider their choice of gynecologist after an incident like this, I plan to send a link to this story through my healthcare provider’s app once it’s published. However, I think it may be time to rethink my grooming routine. I’m not looking for a new doctor, but I might start searching for a professional who specializes in full-body waxing or maybe just invest in dull razors. Whatever works!
For more on related topics, check out this post from our blog. If you’re interested in home insemination, Cryobaby offers great kits. And for those looking to navigate the ins and outs of treatments, this article is an excellent resource.
Summary
In a humorous and relatable narrative, Melissa recounts her chaotic day leading up to her annual OB-GYN appointment, which took an unexpected turn when she discovered she had toilet paper hanging from her leg. Despite interacting with numerous people during her visit, not a single person mentioned it. The experience led her to reflect on her grooming routine and share the amusing incident with her family and social media.
SEO metadata
Keyphrase: OB-GYN visit mishaps
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]