I Devoured 12 Seasons of ‘Married At First Sight’ in Record Time, and Here’s What I Think

Entertainment

By Jamie Lark
Updated: July 1, 2021
Originally Published: July 1, 2021

We can all agree that this past year has been a rough ride, not just for us but also for everyone on my social media feed. With schools operating on shortened schedules, the usual streams of award ceremonies and trophy presentations were nonexistent, leaving my Facebook devoid of proud photos of beaming kids. And let’s not even talk about selfies—who wanted to post a glam shot when everyone was sporting DIY haircuts and letting their brows grow wild? Forget about tropical vacation pics; we were all just trying to stay comfy at home, embracing our quarantine looks while dreaming of a time when travel would be safe again.

Like many of you, my social media feed became flooded with memes about pets I didn’t know. The typical “look at me” posts seemed to be a thing of the past. But then, quite unexpectedly, a new trend emerged: reading challenges. Suddenly, I was bombarded with updates about Sarah finishing her 45,361st book while you were trailing just behind at 45,359. As for me? I wasn’t about to win any reading contests, having only skimmed the back of a lime Oikos yogurt and re-reading Hyperbole and a Half for the umpteenth time. However, in the realm of reality TV, I was an absolute champion.

You can flaunt your literary achievements all you want; I’m here to revel in my delightful obsession with Married at First Sight (or MAFS, as its fans affectionately call it).

Margaret Minnicks from Reelrundown.com describes MAFS perfectly: “Married at First Sight is a Lifetime television series where couples are paired by experts and meet for the first time at the altar. Though a reality show, it acts as a social experiment. Couples marry, go on a honeymoon, and live together for eight weeks before deciding whether to stay married or divorce.”

Over the last few months, I’ve binge-watched all 12 seasons of American MAFS, each containing about 25 episodes, typically running 60-90 minutes each. If you do the math—12 seasons x 25 episodes x 75 minutes—that amounts to around 22,500 minutes, or a whopping 15.625 days of my pandemic life dedicated to the ups and downs of my MAFS reality star pals. And I did it in a fraction of the time it took you to post your reading list—plus, let’s be honest, I didn’t exaggerate.

While you were curled up with For Whom the Bell Tolls, I was glued to my seat watching Jamie Otis (season 1) break down in the hall after marrying the quirky Doug Hehner and his strikingly white patent leather shoes. I witnessed their honeymoon, where her pre-wedding jitters melted away thanks to Doug’s charming personality and impressive abs. (I might have unofficially adopted their three kids as my own; it’s a whole thing.)

In the time you skimmed through the first chapters of All the Light You Cannot See, I had the pleasure of befriending Ashley Petta and Anthony D’Amico (season 5). I even attended their wedding! (So sorry for that, but it’s essential to mention.) The chemistry between these two was undeniable, with their only conflict revolving around Ashley keeping her last name and a minor dispute about parking.

As you were nearly immersed in Toni Morrison’s work, I was relishing MAFS seasons 3, 8, 6, 9, 12, and 7 (the beauty of this show is that you can watch the seasons in any order). I was there when Beth Bice (season 9) hilariously roasted her husband Jamie Thompson: “You don’t initiate anything. You just do basic Caucasian sex. And it’s just like ‘bam, bam done.’ That’s it.” They had their share of arguments but ultimately decided to stay together on Decision Day. I like to think they rode off into the sunset, where they’ve been throwing tantrums ever since.

Even with all the romantic ceremonies, immediate sparks, and a few lasting marriages (about 4 out of 158, if we’re being honest), MAFS is also filled with cringeworthy moments. When Neil Bowlus (season 3) donned his “Big Spoon” red onesie and coaxed his new wife into a matching “Little Spoon” one, I wanted to vanish from embarrassment. In season 12, Chris Williams shockingly claimed the only issue with his devoted wife was “the face”—I could have slapped “the face” right off him.

We witnessed the depths of cruelty when Molly Duff (season 6) viciously mocked her husband Jon Francetic, repeatedly calling him “disgusting.” The highlight of the show’s drama came in season 8 when Luke Cuccurullo told his wife Kate Sisk that he felt “repulsed” and “dead inside” after kissing her. (Honestly, wouldn’t it be entertaining to see Duff and Cuccurullo matched together, just to watch them obliterate each other?)

Sure, I could have picked up a novel or a memoir, but my engrossing reality TV journey felt far more engaging. I should have had a bucket of popcorn in hand! Let’s be real: I eventually started fast-forwarding through the boring bits to dive into the chaos.

At a fundamental level, I know MAFS caters to my inner schadenfreude, giving me a fix that no book ever could. I used to think of myself as a passive observer of a social experiment, but now I realize I’m more of a curious onlooker, peeking through closed blinds to catch the drama. Ultimately, I would definitely claim the title of the reigning champion of reality show voyeurism.

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In summary, while many dove into novels during lockdown, I found my escape in the chaotic world of Married at First Sight. Each episode provided a unique blend of humor, heartbreak, and drama that made the hours fly by. So, if you’re looking for a guilty pleasure filled with unexpected twists, this reality show is where it’s at!

Keyphrase: Binge-watching Married at First Sight

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