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Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders
I can vividly recall the first time I experienced binge eating; it feels like just yesterday. That moment took place thirty years ago. After struggling with anorexia for over a year, I had limited myself to a mere 1,200 calories daily, meticulously counting every one of them while engaging in an hour and a half of exercise.
My health began deteriorating—I lost my menstrual cycle, my hair started to thin, and I often found myself dozing off in class. Initially, my desire to shed a few pounds after hitting puberty spiraled into a fixation on being thin, especially after I quit sports and suddenly gained forty pounds in one summer due to my developing figure.
Despite consuming only rice and vegetables, I was perpetually hungry, and food consumed my thoughts. My dreams were filled with indulgent feasts, and I would obsessively read food magazines, fantasizing about meals I longed to eat. Driven by hunger, I resorted to taking sleeping pills (without my parents’ knowledge) just to escape the torment of my cravings.
One fateful night after a basketball game, while my parents slept, I stumbled upon freshly made blueberry jelly left on the counter, with twelve jars waiting to be devoured. I thought a small piece of bread with jelly would be harmless—after all, jelly is fat-free and I was using light bread. But that night marked a turning point; I felt as if I had disconnected from my body. In just thirty minutes, I consumed an entire loaf of bread along with two jars of jelly.
I fell asleep that night filled with self-loathing and resolved to starve myself the next day to atone for my actions. I managed to hold off until dinner, under my parents’ watchful eyes, but the cycle repeated itself when I devoured an entire box of dry cereal afterward. It was as if I had lost all control.
This pattern of binging and self-hatred persisted for years, becoming a secret ritual I indulged in when no one was around, often sitting alone in the dark kitchen. Before each binge, I was aware of what I was about to do, yet felt utterly powerless to stop myself. Back in the early ’90s, I had no understanding of binge eating. Attempts to purge my binge episodes always fell short.
Binge eating, also known as compulsive eating, involves consuming large amounts of food in a short time frame while feeling a lack of control. This differs significantly from simply having cravings or indulging during PMS. As noted by the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK), if you binge eat regularly—at least once a week for three months—you may be experiencing binge eating disorder.
After binges, feelings of regret and shame flood in, perpetuating the cycle. Unlike bulimia, individuals with binge eating disorder do not attempt to purge the food. This condition is the most prevalent eating disorder in the U.S., affecting approximately 3.5% of adult women and 2% of adult men, particularly those between 45 and 59 years old.
Jazz Jennings, a 20-year-old transgender activist, recently opened up about her own struggles with binge eating on Instagram, sharing, “I suffer from binge-eating disorder, a disease in which I’m not only addicted to food, but I eat it in large quantities. My binging, along with an increased appetite from some medications, has led to a weight gain of nearly 100 lbs. in less than two years. I’m sharing this photo because it’s time to address my weight gain and hold myself accountable.” Her candidness is commendable and is a dialogue many could benefit from having, especially those who feel isolated in their struggles.
Binge eating can affect individuals of any body type, but it is more prevalent among those with obesity. However, it’s essential to recognize that not everyone with obesity has binge eating disorder, as outlined by the NIDDK. The dangers of binge eating are serious; the National Eating Disorders Association highlights that it can be life-threatening.
Those suffering from binge eating often feel uncomfortable eating around others, frequently go on diets, exhibit signs of depression, and are highly self-critical, leading to significant weight fluctuations. If you suspect someone you know is struggling with binge eating, you might notice large quantities of food vanishing in a short time.
In my own experience, I often binged late at night when my parents were in bed, leading to their comments about disappearing food. After several close calls, I began purchasing my own food and binging outside the house to hide the evidence.
Binge eating can feel like an addiction. It wasn’t until I sought therapy that I truly understood the severity of my problem. Interestingly, overcoming binge eating felt like a loss; I had grown accustomed to my solitary moments with food.
Recovery is entirely possible, and I haven’t binged in 25 years. If you suspect you or a loved one may be dealing with binge eating disorder, consult your doctor. They can refer you to a mental health professional for support. Treatment can include therapy to help reshape eating habits, thoughts, and feelings contributing to binge eating.
My therapy helped me identify my triggers, such as discarding the scale and avoiding long periods of fasting that usually led to binges. The National Eating Disorder Association provides valuable resources for anyone grappling with this issue, whether you suspect a loved one is affected or you are experiencing a relapse.
The crucial takeaway is that support and help are available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. For more information on related topics, check out this article on binge eating and learn about the importance of mental health during your journey.
Summary:
Jazz Jennings has bravely shared her experience with binge eating disorder, highlighting the struggles and cycles associated with this condition. Binge eating is a serious issue affecting many individuals, characterized by a lack of control and feelings of shame. It is essential to seek help from medical professionals and mental health experts for effective treatment and recovery.
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