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I frequently encounter a piece of advice circulating on social media: it’s considered extremely rude to interrupt someone’s story with your own. If a person is sharing a tough experience or expressing deep emotions, the expectation is that you remain silent, offering only listening cues like nodding or showing concern. The message is clear: this moment is exclusively about them.
Every time I see this advice, I become frustrated by its lack of nuance. Can we agree that blanket advice like this is often unhelpful? It’s troubling how eager people are to categorize everything into black and white. According to this advice, you have two options: either stay silent and listen or interject with your own story and suddenly become a terrible friend. This binary thinking is, frankly, absurd.
Of course, it’s important to avoid overshadowing a friend in conversation. When someone is sharing their experiences, we shouldn’t dominate the discussion or engage in “one-upping.” Those behaviors are undeniably self-centered and should be sidestepped.
However, it’s perfectly normal to interject during conversations. The exchange of similar experiences is an inherent part of human communication. People generally appreciate knowing they aren’t alone in their struggles.
For example, when I’ve confided in friends about being sexually abused as a child, their sharing of similar experiences didn’t detract from my own story; rather, it made me feel less isolated. Similarly, when I discuss parenting challenges with other parents and they relate their own frustrations, it provides comfort and camaraderie. It reassures me that I’m not the only one facing these issues.
In an essay I read, the author praised their physical therapist for asking questions and showing genuine interest. However, that’s not a conversation; it’s a professional setting where the focus is meant to be solely on the patient. Suggesting that the dynamics of a therapy session should reflect regular conversations is somewhat narcissistic.
Encouraging people to “just listen” can also come across as ableist or even unintentionally discriminatory. Not everyone is neurotypical, and cultural norms around conversation vary widely. Some individuals have worked hard to master the skill of responding with relatable stories, and telling them that this is “rude” is frustrating. For individuals with autism or ADHD, relating stories can be a natural response, and they might not be able to suppress their impulse to share. We need to allow people to connect in ways that feel genuine to them.
In some cultures, silence during a conversation can be seen as a lack of engagement. My friend Maria, whose family hails from Peru, often shares that conversations in her culture are lively, with interruptions and overlapping dialogue being the norm. Conversely, in some cultures, interjecting might be viewed as selfish. The reality is that there are no universal rules governing conversations.
Personally, if someone doesn’t share their relatable experiences during my storytelling, I might assume they’re uninterested or think I’m peculiar. It causes me anxiety. Please, share your story so I don’t feel isolated or like I’m the only one grappling with these challenges! To me, that’s the essence of conversation: building connections. If I wanted someone to listen to me without engaging, I’d simply schedule an appointment with a therapist.
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In summary, the advice against interjecting during conversations lacks nuance and does not account for the diverse ways people communicate. Engaging in reciprocal storytelling can foster connection and understanding, making conversations richer and more fulfilling.
Keyphrase: Conversation Interjections
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