This Isn’t a Cruise Ship, and I’m Not Your Entertainment Director

“I’m bored.” “There’s nothing to do.” “We don’t have any snacks.” “I hate just sitting here.” I hear these complaints all the time. Somehow, my kids seem to think we’re living on a luxury cruise ship, and I’m the on-board entertainment director. Maybe I should print out my job description so we can all go over it together. Sure, it includes keeping them fed, clothed, and sheltered, but I don’t recall signing up to perform tap dances every morning at 11 a.m. They need a reality check.

Don’t get me wrong; my kids aren’t spoiled; they just have a preference for a much more fast-paced lifestyle than what I can offer. They thrive in school because there’s always something happening. At home, it’s not quite the same. I’m not ringing a bell every 45 minutes to shuffle them from one activity to another. I could set a timer and change activities on cue if that would make things more exciting. Heck, I might even throw in some microwave popcorn and sodas to sweeten the deal.

I love my kids dearly. They’re the first thought in my mind each morning and my last prayer at night. I want their childhoods to be filled with joy, wonder, and unforgettable memories. But let’s face it! I can’t create magic every single day. Sometimes, they’ll just have to deal with the ordinary, lazy days of summer.

Perhaps my tendency to exaggerate mundane tasks adds to their confusion. When I say, “I need to go grocery shopping. It feels like hitting the jackpot, kids!” it makes the chore sound way more thrilling than just picking up milk and eggs. If they expect a cash prize at the end like we’re on Supermarket Sweep, they’re in for a letdown when I tell them we have to bag our own groceries at Aldi. It’s a classic case of perception versus reality.

Honestly, why can’t a trip to the store be enough? Why does a fun day have to come with buzzwords like admission, tickets, and concession stands? If there isn’t a long line to complain about, is it even worthwhile? Apparently not. If they want the day to be exciting, it needs to kick off with an armband and the words, “Meet me back at the statue at noon for lunch.” It’s not fun unless there’s a nifty refillable cup for $10.99.

This summer, my kids are going to have to be a bit more independent. We live in a 2,500-square-foot fun house filled with adventure; they just need to discover it on their own. There’s plenty to do, but they may need to get creative.

Dear kids: Here are five ideas for things to do before you tell me (again) that you’re bored.

Grab a Toy
Head to the basement and find one of the 500 toys you insisted on having and give it a try. You know, the ones I keep threatening to sell at a garage sale because no one plays with them? There are thousands of dollars’ worth of toys down there just waiting to be enjoyed. Use your imagination.
Find a Sibling
We have a packed house—find a playmate! I’ve made it easy for you by having four kids; pair off and play. Grab a game, watch a movie, or just be kind to each other.
Clean Something
There are dry erase boards around the house with tasks for you to tackle. You’ve got chores to do anyway, so why not fill some time and check a few things off the list? It’s a lot easier when I’m not nagging you to do it.
Make Yourself a Snack
You know how to prepare simple food. If you’re hungry, head to the pantry and whip something up. You don’t need me to cook every meal. Team up with a sibling and make something together; just remember to clean up afterward.
Watch TV
I’m not restricting screens this summer. If you’re bored and want to watch TV or play video games, go for it—just don’t spend the entire day in front of a screen. Mix it up a little.

If none of these work, I can certainly think of plenty of things to combat your boredom. This might finally be the summer I say goodbye to your baby clothes. I bet you’d love a ride next to me on that emotional rollercoaster. Or, maybe someone would like to join me in reorganizing my closet by color, size, and sleeve length? Anyone up for a game of “empty the china cabinet” or “clean all the goblets and platters”? If that doesn’t sound appealing, we could always have a 3 p.m. showcase of my high school musical career.

And just like that, they’ll scatter like roaches in daylight. I’ll have the couch all to myself as I relive my golden years in Jesus Christ Superstar. They’ll never know what they’re missing!

For more on parenting, check out this blog post. If you’re interested in home insemination, this resource is a great place to start. For further information, visit the Mayo Clinic.

Probable Search Queries:

In summary, while summer days may feel slow and unexciting for kids, it’s an opportunity for them to explore their creativity and independence. With a little encouragement, they can make their own fun and discover that not every moment needs to be a grand adventure.

Keyphrase: Home insemination kit
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]