I Apologize to My Kids — And You Should Too

pregnant woman throwing toddler in the air sitting by a tree

Parenting

By Laura Thompson

My son woke up at 6:00 AM today, and my daughter followed at 7:00. By 9:30, I found myself yelling. Harsh words spilled from my mouth, and tears streamed down my oldest’s face. She was hurt by our argument and my reaction. The specifics of the situation aren’t important — I won’t make excuses for my (terrible) behavior. The truth is, I was frustrated, just like she was. Our home is currently filled with numerous stressors, resembling a chaotic circus. Despite the craziness, I strive to do my best each day. After a brief separation, we reconnected, and the first thing I said was, “I’m sorry.”

I apologized for my actions and my inappropriate behavior. Why? Because I was wrong, and it’s essential for her to understand that adults can make mistakes too. It’s crucial for her to learn about the full spectrum of human emotions and how to respond appropriately. I want her to grasp the importance of accountability and to feel validated. I want her to know that her feelings matter.

As pediatrician and child care expert Alex Morgan explains, “The best way to teach your kids the behavior you want is to model it yourself.” When you’ve made a mistake or hurt your child, taking the time to apologize demonstrates its significance. It normalizes the act of apologizing, showing your kids that even parents admit when they’re wrong. A sincere apology, rather than a forced one, reflects genuine care for the other person.

The way we express ourselves, the tone of our voice, and the intention behind our words teach our children the value of apologizing and how to do it correctly.

Admitting fault can be challenging, especially when it comes to our children. After all, little ones are taught to respect their elders and listen to authority. Many of us grew up hearing “because I said so,” and we simply complied. But what if we shifted our approach? What if we taught our children instead of commanding them? What if we embraced our vulnerabilities and imperfections, showing them that it’s okay to be human?

Apologizing to kids fosters compassion and kindness. We all err, but we can strive to make amends. Saying “I’m sorry” is an act of humility, demonstrating that there’s no shame in admitting fault. It’s a strength; the most powerful individuals acknowledge their weaknesses. Moreover, discussing the reasons behind our apologies helps children understand and manage their own emotions better.

For example, saying, “I’m sorry I raised my voice earlier. I was feeling overwhelmed with work and took it out on you, but that doesn’t justify my actions.” Apologizing also teaches grace — while we all make mistakes, we must learn to accept them and forgive ourselves.

As Morgan states, “Saying you’re sorry is not always easy; in fact, it rarely is.” It’s uncomfortable, but that’s why it’s so essential. Relationships grow stronger when we address conflicts rather than ignore them. While it’s easy to react with anger and authority, parenting with empathy and humility is transformative. Leading by example and apologizing teaches our children invaluable lessons.

This article was originally published on June 24, 2021.

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In summary, apologizing to our children is a vital aspect of parenting that teaches them about accountability, empathy, and the courage to acknowledge mistakes. It fosters healthier relationships and encourages children to embrace their own vulnerabilities.

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