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When I was still drowning my feelings in alcohol, I could easily keep pace with friends—regardless of their gender. I was a high-functioning, “happy” drunk, expertly concealing just how much I had consumed. Looking back, I see that the numbness I chased did not equate to happiness. I wasn’t clumsy, angry, or overly emotional, which allowed me to mask the severity of my drinking problem for quite some time. Matching drinks without any visible fallout made me a desirable drinking companion.
To clarify, I wasn’t seeking admiration; I was attempting to escape a range of emotions, one of which was the gender identity I was assigned at birth. Research has shown that cisgender women tend to consume less alcohol than cisgender men, but recent data indicates a shift. Women are now drinking as much as men.
In recent years, the ratio of alcohol consumption between men and women engaged in risky drinking patterns has dropped from 3 to 1 to nearly equal levels. Studies confirm this narrowing gap, illustrating that women are increasingly mirroring men’s drinking behaviors socially and engaging in hazardous practices like binge drinking and daily alcohol use. A 2019 study revealed that women in their teenage years and early 20s are now drinking more than their male counterparts.
Why is this happening?
Research suggests women are more likely to drink as a coping mechanism compared to men. The societal expectation that women can have it all creates an overwhelming amount of stress, especially since they often lack the same support systems as men. The pandemic further highlighted the disproportionate burden carried by women—particularly those in relationships—who had to juggle parenting, education, and household responsibilities, all while managing work without the typical support of childcare. As a result, many women turned to alcohol to cope.
This is a false sense of relief. Alcohol can actually heighten anxiety, creating a vicious cycle where the “need” for more alcohol feeds into shame, depression, and further anxiety. I am all too familiar with this cycle. Increased levels of drinking are also taking a toll on physical health.
Dr. Kevin Reynolds, a liver specialist at the University of Michigan, reports a 30% rise in cases of alcoholic liver disease at his hospital over the past year. He notes, “We’re seeing younger individuals in their late 20s and early 30s with conditions we once thought only affected middle-aged people.” Another study indicated that from 2006-2014, alcohol-related emergency room visits among women surged by 70%, compared to 58% for men.
Although I do not identify as female, my liver health is assessed based on its “female” size. Factors like body weight and hydration levels affect liver health. Dr. Reynolds explains that a person’s response to alcohol is influenced by their body composition, enzyme levels, and metabolism, which vary between genders. Those assigned female at birth are at a heightened risk for liver disease compared to those assigned male at birth, even if they consume the same amount of alcohol, and they are likely to develop the disease earlier.
Having been sober for nearly four years, I am grateful that I didn’t inflict severe and irreversible damage on my liver. I continue to grapple with guilt over my drinking days and am actively seeking healthier coping mechanisms. Like many others—especially women and mothers—I struggled to ask for help. It can be challenging to acknowledge a problem when society often promotes alcohol as a solution.
- Feeling stressed? Have a drink!
- Raising kids? You need a drink!
- Overwhelmed by life? Let’s grab a drink or two!
- Feeling down? A beer will lift your spirits.
- Nervous? Pour a little liquid courage.
I wish I could drink responsibly. I wish I could enjoy a drink and still feel my emotions. Unfortunately, drinking only exacerbated my issues, but it was socially acceptable to self-medicate, so I did. The stigma surrounding addiction, particularly for parents, adds layers of judgment that make it difficult to admit needing assistance. However, I assure you that seeking help is worth it. I had to confront the toxic relationship I had with alcohol before I could take action. It wasn’t easy to quit; in fact, it became harder to ignore how difficult it was to resist drinking. Experiencing that struggle was essential for me to commit to sobriety.
When was the last time you reflected on your relationship with alcohol? Have you discussed your mental and physical health with a doctor or therapist? If you’re concerned about your drinking, consider reaching out to a friend, loved one, or mental health professional for support. You can also connect with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration for confidential assistance, including their hotline (1-800-662-HELP) and a service locator for resources in your area. Seeking gender-specific services can provide tailored support for your needs.
While I can’t promise your journey will be easy, I can assure you that having honest conversations about your drinking and making necessary changes can lead to a more authentic life.
For further insights, check out one of our other blog posts here, or visit Make a Mom for authoritative information on home insemination. Also, find excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination at Mayo Clinic.