Kindness is Essential — But Let’s Also Equip Our Kids to Stand Up for Themselves

In 2015, I welcomed twin daughters into the world, and their personalities couldn’t be more different. Both are exceptional, empathetic little girls nearing their sixth birthday. One of them mirrors my personality, while the other reflects my partner’s traits. Ava is the “my way or the highway” type, while Lily is the peacemaker on the playground, always ready to lend a helping hand or comfort someone in distress. It brings me joy to guide them in becoming compassionate individuals who also express themselves honestly and thoughtfully.

My partner is a no-nonsense person — a trait I’ve grown to appreciate and adopt over the years. I’ve observed how she communicates her needs assertively, whether it’s to friends, family, or colleagues. I’ve learned that standing up for oneself is vital, and this is a lesson I am determined to pass on to my daughters. Saying “no” is a complete sentence, and it’s essential for them to understand this concept.

Despite understanding the importance of saying no, their approaches vary significantly. Lily tends to offer alternatives, saying, “That’s a good idea, but let’s consider something else.” In contrast, Ava will decisively say “no,” leaving others to ponder their next steps. Both responses are valid and demonstrate that kindness can take different forms. We need a balance of assertiveness and gentleness in the world.

While many resources are available on nurturing kindness in children, it’s crucial to recognize where each child falls on the kindness spectrum. Being kind doesn’t mean sacrificing one’s own needs. Delivery matters, and our treatment of others — and ourselves — is equally important. We can foster both the strong-willed individual and the gentle spirit among our kids.

Research from the American Psychological Association reveals that children inherently want to be kind. Studies show that empathy can manifest in young ones well before they reach adulthood. There are kids who are kind-hearted to a fault (like my Lily), and those who are compassionate yet assertive. Our goal should be to help our children support others while maintaining healthy boundaries. Teaching them that both qualities can coexist is essential.

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In summary, as we guide our children toward kindness, we must also teach them the importance of standing their ground. It’s about finding the right balance between compassion for others and self-respect.

Keyphrase: Kindness and Assertiveness in Parenting

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