Dear Men: Please Stop Suggesting I Should Lose Weight

This situation has occurred so frequently that I’ve developed a sort of script for it, and it happened again just yesterday—on Valentine’s Day, no less.

I was chatting with a gentleman who appeared pleasant, intelligent, and attractive. He seemed interested in me, too. He complimented me on my humor, brightness, and beauty. But then he added one caveat: if I lost some weight, I could be supermodel stunning.

He expressed hope that I wouldn’t be offended. I replied that I wasn’t. It’s clear he’s attracted to a certain ideal. I mentioned that I used to be very thin, having starved myself, relied on alcohol, and took pills instead of eating. However, I love my body now and feel much healthier than I did then; if he values thinness, he should seek someone else.

This part seems to catch them off guard. I suspect they genuinely believe they’re offering me a favor or sharing something I’ve never heard before. Do they think they’re the first to suggest I lose weight? I have a white mother who once modeled; I’m well aware of unrealistic beauty standards and the expectations that come from certain circles. They’re not concerned about my health; they just want a woman who looks like a trophy they can showcase.

There’s also a peculiar notion some men have that I must have never been slim. They seem surprised when I reveal that I once attracted affluent, attractive men, but that experience was rather lackluster. I wasn’t any happier then. I’m happier now—I’ve embraced my weight, my health, and my life choices. I’m no longer preoccupied with others’ opinions.

As a Latina, I’m often seen as a character in someone else’s narrative. The expectation is that a man will discover me, perfect me, and somehow alleviate my struggles. The idea that I once fit the mold for a certain man and chose a different path completely contradicts this narrative.

I don’t voice all of this—there’s no point. Instead, I simply say we can be friends.

He backtracks, complimenting me on my scent, my uniqueness, and how he can confide in me. I assure him that’s wonderful, but I’m not interested in a romantic relationship.

How can I feel comfortable with someone who sees me as a potential for what I could be, rather than appreciating who I am? My weight may fluctuate, but I don’t need the input of those who think I should change for them. I prefer men of all backgrounds who love me for the complete package.

Why do I specifically mention white men? Because I’ve mostly encountered this issue with them. Not all white men, of course, but it’s a recurring theme that I’ve developed a response for.

It feels like they’re offering me some sort of charity, as if I, as a Latina, am obligated to accept their terms—like I have to be perfect in every way, while a white woman merely needs to be herself. When I reject this “offer,” it becomes apparent that they’ve miscalculated. I refuse to prioritize their expectations over my self-respect and well-being.

So, as he did, they often try to regain my attention. They realize what they’re losing, but by then, I’ve recognized the warning signs. They can’t pretend their motives are about my health when I’m healthier than ever before. I don’t indulge in alcohol or other substances, and I work out regularly.

If they think they can find someone more fitting in their ideal, I’m completely fine with that. I refuse to justify my worth based on my weight or any other superficial criteria. Who I am is for me to determine—and that seems to unsettle them.

For more insights on this topic, you can explore further at this blog post or check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. Also, consider this authority on the journey of couples seeking fertility.

Here are some related queries to consider:

In summary, it’s essential to appreciate individuals for who they truly are, rather than imposing arbitrary standards. Embracing oneself is a journey that deserves respect and understanding, regardless of societal expectations.

Keyphrase: Body Positivity and Self-Love
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]