By: Emily Richards
Recently, my 9-year-old son, Jake, announced that he wanted to shave a portion of his hair. “Just a bit,” he clarified, as he gestured towards a large section on the side of his head. Caught off guard, I took a moment to collect my thoughts. Yet, I instinctively fell back on the principle I’ve instilled in him since he first expressed a desire for a drastic hairstyle at age four: “Your body is your body.” I emphasized, “No one else gets to make decisions about your body—only you. Not even me.” And I added, “You are beautiful, no matter what.”
It’s crucial for me to prepare Jake for the reality that society will often dictate how he should look or behave. He’ll encounter opinions about his appearance from peers, adults, and culture at large. The world will pressure him to conform to certain standards of beauty, telling him how to dress, groom, and act to be considered appealing. In countless small interactions, he might begin to believe that his sense of worth lies outside of himself, dictated by others’ perceptions.
I refuse to be the first voice that teaches him to yield to this external pressure. I want to be the guiding force that encourages him to resist it. Since he was four, I’ve granted him complete autonomy over his body. “Your body, your choice” has become a mantra in our home. There have certainly been moments of hesitation on my part. When he expressed interest in ear piercings, I agreed. When he wanted to experiment with vibrant hair colors, I supported him. Even when he chooses outfits that I find mismatched or when he enjoys running around the house in his birthday suit, I remain silent. When he asserts that he doesn’t want to hug someone or says “stop” during play, I listen.
I consistently remind Jake that he is the owner of his body, and nobody has the right to dictate what he can or cannot do with it. He knows to look within himself when deciding what feels right and what aligns with his vision of beauty, affection, and safety. I teach him that he has the power to say yes or no, and that the answers to these questions are always found within himself, not influenced by others.
So, when Jake decided to partially shave his head last week, I reiterated my supportive mantra: “Your body, your choice.” Watching him take this step filled me with mixed emotions. What if he faced ridicule? What if he regretted his decision? Yet, I also felt immense pride for my son, who recognized that others might perceive his new hairstyle as odd or unattractive, but chose not to let that deter him.
I trust his ability to own this decision, knowing he would learn from it, regardless of any second thoughts he might have later. He took the time to check in with himself, making a thoughtful choice about his body that resonated with his beliefs. He embraced his body and his unique sense of beauty with confidence.
At the end of the day, it’s just hair, and he’s only 9. There are no significant consequences to whether he shaves it all off or colors it a bold hue. To be honest, there would be no real repercussions for me if I had prohibited any of these choices. However, what we often overlook in parenting is that these moments serve as practice for when our children transition into adulthood.
I now ponder how Jake will respond when faced with external pressures to alter himself, compromise his values, or prioritize others’ happiness over his own. Will he have the resilience to assert himself when he’s pushed to change his body or conform in uncomfortable ways? This isn’t a matter of if; it’s a matter of when.
Our young boys don’t magically acquire the skills to set boundaries or advocate for themselves as they grow. If we don’t instill these values in them from a young age, they will lack the confidence to navigate these adult challenges later on.
What messages are you sending to your sons about their bodies and self-worth? What lessons do you wish you had received in your own childhood? When we challenge the cultural narratives directed at boys, we empower them to mature into strong men who recognize their own value. For further insights on parenting and self-ownership, check out this article by Modern Family Blog, an authority on this topic. If you’re interested in exploring family planning resources, consider visiting this link for more information about at-home insemination kits.
In conclusion, nurturing our children’s understanding of body autonomy is essential for their development into confident adults who can stand firm in their beliefs.