The Dilemma with the Phrase ‘The Universe Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle’

A few weeks ago, my eleven-year-old daughter, Lily, fainted unexpectedly. After a visit to the pediatrician, who conducted some basic tests, we were relieved to learn that everything appeared normal. We returned home, where she took it easy, hoping to find our routine again.

However, Lily fainted once more—this time, I managed to catch her before she fell. We went back to the pediatrician, who ordered more comprehensive tests, including an extensive blood panel and a thorough evaluation of her motor skills, memory, and cognitive abilities. This time, she referred us to a pediatric cardiologist. Lily went home to recover, while I returned to my own turmoil.

My fear for Lily was compounded by the haunting memories of my husband’s health struggles. Years ago, I watched him undergo similar tests, initially passing with flying colors. But as his cancer progressed, he began to fail every subsequent assessment. I had caught him as he collapsed, once too often.

Once I regained my composure, I reached out to a friend. While sharing my fears, I admitted that for a fleeting moment in that exam room, I felt like running away. I was overwhelmed, convinced I couldn’t bear whatever news the doctor had for us. Although I knew Lily’s situation was different from my husband’s, the anxiety was suffocating. I told her I lacked the strength to endure those tests again, this time with my child as the patient, and that I feared I would crack.

In an attempt to console me, my well-meaning friend said, “The universe won’t give you more than you can handle.” While I understood her intent, I didn’t find solace in her words. Instead, I felt as though my genuine feelings and fears had been dismissed.

There are significant issues with claiming that the universe (or God, for those who believe) will only present us with what we can handle. This notion is akin to the phrase “everything happens for a reason”—which I strongly advise against using.

Primarily, such statements are dismissive and invalidating. They suggest that the struggles one faces aren’t genuinely difficult, implying that if the universe were just, it wouldn’t impose such burdens. In moments when someone desperately seeks to be heard, these phrases can silence their pain.

Moreover, this perspective requires trust in the universe, belief in its fairness and benevolence. I’ve learned the hard way that the universe is often chaotic and indifferent, sometimes even cruel. Many individuals face challenges far beyond their capacity to manage, suffering in various aspects of life—financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Additionally, there’s an implicit privilege in the belief that the universe only gives us what we can bear. Those who can accept this notion often have access to resources—be it financial stability, social support, or adequate healthcare—that many others lack. It’s easier to handle life’s challenges when you have a safety net.

The truth is that sometimes we are indeed confronted with more than we can bear. Ignoring this reality does a disservice to everyone involved. It denies the possibility of failure and the acknowledgment that we may navigate through chaos without emerging unscathed. The universe doesn’t promise happy endings; it’s a tough truth but one we must accept.

If you want to comfort a friend, there are far better approaches than invoking the universe. Simply being present, listening, and validating their struggles can make a world of difference. Recognize that sometimes, we genuinely face more than we can handle. Let them know they aren’t alone, regardless of what comes next. Assure them that if they can’t cope, you’ll be there, free from judgment.

As for Lily, we are still seeking answers for her fainting episodes. So far, they seem to have subsided. In the end, I managed to cope with this latest health scare—not because of any cosmic decree, but because I had attentive doctors, supportive friends, and a clear understanding of life’s unpredictability.

For further insights on related topics, check out this blog post and learn more about resources available at Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kits. You can also find valuable information at the NHS’s IVF resources.

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In summary, it’s essential to validate feelings during tough times instead of resorting to comforting clichés. True support involves listening and acknowledging the reality of our struggles, reinforcing the idea that we aren’t alone in our challenges.

Keyphrase: The universe won’t give you more than you can handle

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