My Overwhelming Mom Guilt Bouquet: A Reflection

Growing up as an only child with a working mom, I often found myself navigating my own boredom. I recall one summer day when I spent hours glued to the TV Guide Channel, mesmerized by the scrolling programming schedule and the small infomercial screen in the corner. It sounds bizarre now, but I didn’t move from my spot on the couch. Strangely enough, my mom didn’t feel guilty about it.

My mother worked from home before the internet and smartphones made it easier, managing a trucking company while raising me. I learned early on that even though she was physically present, she was deeply engaged in her work. She was a trailblazer in a male-dominated industry, balancing her responsibilities as a CEO and a parent. Yes, she was there to help me when needed, but she didn’t entertain me. As an only child, I had to find my own ways to stay busy, and oddly enough, I never sensed any guilt from her.

Mom guilt isn’t a new phenomenon, but it feels like our culture has intensified the focus on it over time. When did we start feeling the pressure to create meaningful activities for our children? When did the guilt of working or not working become such a heavy burden? And why do we feel selfish for wanting some “me time”? I believe the rise of social media has significantly contributed to this shift.

An insightful article I read compared mom guilt to a bouquet of flowers, with each stem representing a different source of guilt. I love this metaphor. My own bouquet began with the fear that my firstborn wasn’t speaking until he was two. Friends suggested I get him a speech therapist, while they shared stories of their kids in playgroups and other activities. I felt inadequate as a new mother.

Over time, I’ve added many stems to my guilt bouquet: working too much, the decision to leave my career, not involving my kids in enough activities, or perhaps involving them too much. There’s also the guilt over co-sleeping, choices between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, inconsistent nap times, and failing to create Instagram-worthy spaces for my kids. My bouquet is now incredibly heavy and needs some serious attention.

I posed the question on social media: What makes you feel guilty as a parent? The responses flooded in, mostly from moms who shared their own struggles. Here are some of the most common sources of guilt:

Working or Not Working: I can relate to this deeply, as I left the news industry feeling guilty for not being at home, only to feel guilty about leaving a successful career. It’s crucial to remember you’re making the best decisions for your family. Research shows that children raised by working mothers often do better in their own careers and relationships.
Taking Time for Yourself: This was a close second to work-related guilt. A few weeks ago, I had a rare six-hour stretch of alone time while my parents took the kids. I felt like I won the lottery! Taking time for yourself is vital. Whether it’s binge-watching Netflix, enjoying a bath, or indulging in a little retail therapy, prioritizing self-care can make you a happier parent.
Not Playing with Them Enough: Reflecting on my childhood, I realize my mom rarely played with me. Kids won’t remember the specific activities, but they will remember how loved and valued they felt. Social media often showcases picture-perfect parents engaging in elaborate play, but it’s perfectly okay for kids to entertain themselves.
Not Having “Mom Guilt”: Some parents feel guilt for not experiencing typical mom guilt, especially if their child seems well-behaved or is sleeping through the night. Don’t feel bad! Every child has their ups and downs, and it’s okay to enjoy the respite.
Individual Guilt: Everyone’s journey in parenting is different. What causes guilt for one parent may not resonate with another. We’re all in this together!

At its core, parenting is about compromises. We often sacrifice our own identities to nurture our children, and we deserve recognition for that. When you feel appreciated—whether at work, home, or in your personal life—you become more confident in your parenting choices.

I hope these reflections help you tend to your own bouquet of mom guilt. Remember to change the water every now and then.

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In summary, parenting comes with its share of guilt, but it’s essential to recognize our sacrifices and prioritize self-care. Each parent’s experience is unique, and we should support one another through the challenges we face.

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