Sometimes Love Means Letting Go - modernfamilyblog.com

Klaus Vedfelt/Getty

Trigger Warning: Abuse

I always understood that my relationship was unhealthy, yet my longing for marriage and a family overshadowed my instincts. The toxicity was so apparent that just a week before my wedding, my father sat with me and offered me money to reconsider — not out of malice, but out of genuine concern for my well-being.

My ex-husband’s aggression had always been present, but he turned particularly cruel and abusive, especially when he was drinking. While the physical violence was limited, the verbal and emotional abuse was a nightly ordeal. He often hurled insults like “slut” or made degrading statements such as “you are nothing without me” or “no one believes you” when he sought to inflict pain. It escalated to the point where my father had to put me in a hotel one night after my ex tried to wrestle control of the car from me, aiming to drive us off the road. I sincerely believed he didn’t want me alive, but he was too concerned about his image to be seen as the villain. Despite this, I stayed, convinced that having a child would somehow transform him into a better person.

Our daughter, born in 2016, made the situation more complicated. It wasn’t her fault at all, but when a narcissist has leverage over you in the form of your most precious possession, things can spiral quickly. He used our child as a means to manipulate and gaslight me.

The arguments and insults became so intense that my toddler would sleep on top of me, as if her tiny body could shield me from the onslaught of verbal abuse. There was a night when he threw me out of our home at 2:00 a.m., packing my suitcase while intoxicated. I had to drive 45 minutes to my parents’ house and knock on the door at 3:00 a.m. just to see my mother’s knowing expression, silently acknowledging the torment I had endured.

Not once did I receive an apology or even a hint of remorse for his actions. That’s when I realized that I was no longer married to a human being, but to a monster. Insults and aggression are not expressions of love. Physical aggression, like pushing me into doors or choking me against walls, is not love. Pretending to be a loving husband in front of others, only to unleash fury in private, is not love.

So, my daughter and I left, taking only a single suitcase filled with her belongings. He might not have understood what love was, but I did — and I saw it reflected in my daughter’s face. We left to ensure she would never have to live in fear of her father. We left so she could grow up in a nurturing environment, free of shouting matches. We left so she would grow up knowing what true love feels like and never question her worth because her mother didn’t recognize hers.

Nearly five years later, we are safe and happy. My almost five-year-old thrives in a loving home with me, her stepdad, and her brothers. Despite never receiving an acknowledgment of his wrongdoings, I find peace in knowing that one day he will have to face the consequences of his actions — but that’s not my burden to bear. We are liberated from the pain and suffering.

For more insights on navigating complex relationships, check out this blog post. Additionally, for those on a journey towards parenthood, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists provides excellent information on treating infertility as well.

Probable Search Queries:

Summary:

In this powerful account, the author reflects on her experience in a toxic relationship marked by emotional and verbal abuse. Despite the challenges, she found the strength to leave for the sake of her daughter, ensuring a nurturing and loving environment for her child. Now, years later, they thrive in safety and happiness, free from the past’s pain.

SEO Metadata

Keyphrase: Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]