Even as adults, the feeling of being the awkward kid in the schoolyard can linger, standing with open arms and asking, “Would you like to be my friend?” In adulthood, these moments often arise in the gym, at work, or while attending your children’s sports events or school functions. Yet, the uncomfortable emotions remain the same.
When you’re part of a couple, you naturally meet other couples with shared interests. Whether it’s camping, sports, faith, or the activities your kids engage in, these connections can feel reminiscent of dating. “Oh, you’re into yoga and not a fan of football? Not a good fit.”
However, there’s an added complexity in forging friendships at this stage in life: the material possessions that influence social dynamics. The conversation often revolves around who has a lake house, a boat, or an exclusive golf membership. You may even find that some friendships are based on social status, such as knowing someone who plays professionally or is a local news anchor. Increasingly, it seems that adults gravitate toward those who can offer something substantial to the relationship.
“Hey, what are you up to this weekend? We could chill at the lake and go Jet Skiing—just don’t forget your life jackets!” Unfortunately, we don’t own Jet Skis or life jackets. But, we can contribute a cooler filled with drinks and snacks. How about a loaf of bread and some peanut butter?
Navigating our 40s, we’re doing reasonably well. Our kids are well-cared for, with shoes on their feet and clothes on their backs. They participate in lessons and sports, and we manage to take a vacation every year. Yet, we lack the luxurious toys or exciting extras that seem to define others’ lives.
Our ‘extras’ might include a new mattress or tires for the car, while the dream of owning sporty toys or timeshares remains unrealized, as they take a back seat to our children’s activities and other priorities. We have enjoyed plenty of fun times with friends—grilling in the backyard while the kids play, or vacationing together in a rented place with a hot tub.
However, as our friends have ascended the social ladder, they’ve begun to drift away, seeking out relationships that offer more in terms of material wealth and leisure activities. We’ve also made strides, but perhaps in a different manner. We’ve chosen jobs that provide greater flexibility and time at home, although this has come at a price.
For now, extravagant toys and boats will have to wait. What we can offer in friendships is genuine connection, laughter, and ourselves. But if the invitation is still open, we’re more than happy to join you at your cabin or club. We’ll gladly bring the sandwiches.
This post originally appeared on UrbanMoms. For more stories and discussions on family and relationships, check out our other blog posts, like our insights on boosting fertility supplements or visit Modern Family Blog for expert advice on family topics. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy and home insemination, this Wikipedia article is an excellent resource.
In summary, making friends in your 40s can be challenging, especially when material possessions seem to dictate social connections. Yet, genuine relationships can still thrive through shared experiences and laughter, regardless of what you own.