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The age-old therapy question, “How was your relationship with your mother?” often carries an underlying suggestion: “What did your mother do to hurt you?” From overly protective mothers to emotionally distant ones, maternal figures have frequently been scapegoated in discussions of mental health. A study by Caplan and Hall-McCorquodale in 1985 analyzed articles in psychiatric and psychological journals from 1970 to 1982, finding that mothers were blamed for 72 different psychological issues in their children, including conditions like depression, hyperactivity, and even unconventional traits like “inability to deal with color blindness.”
Fathers, on the other hand, were rarely held accountable. They were often perceived as less pathological and had a seemingly healthier dynamic with their kids. In fact, only 2% of absent mothers were seen as having no negative influence on their children, compared to 24% of absent fathers. Interestingly, both male and female researchers participated equally in this pattern of maternal blame.
Fortunately, by the time I attended graduate school, many of these outdated theories were viewed as relics of the past. Current psychological perspectives emphasize the interplay of biological, psychological, and environmental factors without singling out mothers as the primary cause of mental health issues.
During my training, I often took notes for my future self as a prospective mother. I told myself to avoid overprotectiveness, to be mindful of the behaviors I modeled for my children, and to always validate their emotions. I thought I had all the bases covered. But after several years working as a psychologist at a public university, I encountered a wide spectrum of experiences among students regarding their mothers. Some had nurturing, supportive relationships while others faced significant challenges due to their mothers’ actions or inactions.
In one memorable case conference, while discussing the difficulties of a distressed student, a colleague, who was a mother herself, expressed empathy for the student’s mother. This perspective shifted my focus, prompting me to consider the pressure and stress mothers endure.
After becoming a mother myself, I quickly realized the immense responsibility that comes with the role. During maternity leave, I sometimes found myself struggling more with parenting than with my therapy clients. I remember a moment of frustration when, while trying to soothe my crying baby, I instinctively told him, “Don’t cry.” In that instant, I felt I had failed to uphold my commitment to always validate his feelings.
As time has passed, my understanding of parenting and psychological development has deepened. It’s clear that parenting, especially for mothers, is incredibly challenging. Research indicates that mothers often carry the emotional burden of raising children, managing everything from scheduling doctor’s appointments to organizing playdates, even while holding full-time jobs.
The COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated these challenges, placing an additional strain on mothers, with many reporting adverse health effects due to pandemic-related stress. This situation highlights why mothers are often the focus of blame; they are more present in their children’s lives and face considerable pressures.
Yet, in my therapy sessions, I’ve come to recognize that most mothers are doing their best, even if they sometimes falter. I now approach discussions of maternal influence with curiosity and empathy, asking clients to share more about their mothers, rather than jumping to conclusions. This shift fosters understanding and can often lead to healing.
For those interested in exploring more about parenting and the challenges mothers face, you may find valuable insights at Women’s Health, which offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, for those considering home insemination, check out BabyMaker’s Insemination Kit, an authority on the topic. Also, feel free to explore our blog on racial equity to broaden your understanding.
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In summary, while mothers have often been held responsible for their children’s struggles, it’s crucial to recognize the broader context of parenting challenges and understand that most are doing their best in a complex environment.
Keyphrase: Maternal Influence on Child Development
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