I Want to Shield My Daughters from the Grip of Diet Culture That Dominated My Life

pregnant woman in black shirt holding her belly

Trigger Warning: Disordered Eating

Ah, the pervasive influence of toxic diet culture. Growing up in the early 2000s, it felt almost inevitable to be swept up in it. I vividly remember attending weight loss meetings with my family, learning how to count points, and sneaking my first strawberry Slimfast shake during my teenage years.

As I entered high school in 2003, the trend of low-rise everything was at its peak, and having a long, slender figure seemed like a timeless ideal. Unfortunately, that look was never in the cards for me genetically.

Throughout my tweens, teens, and early twenties, I was on a relentless quest for any quick solution that promised to slim down my thighs. The sight of my collarbones peeking out made me feel delicate and beautiful, but it was just the beginning of a long struggle with an eating disorder.

My disordered eating journey began in my freshman year of high school, a time when newfound freedom allowed me to skip lunch without anyone noticing. I was part of the pom-pom squad (dance team) and was often one of the first girls to develop a fuller figure, which I despised.

I felt deep shame every time I couldn’t shop in the juniors section while my peers easily could. The other girls flaunted their figures, marked by tan lines and protruding hip bones, while I felt defeated because I could only roll my shorts once—my thighs were just a bit too thick.

For the next four years, I fell into a cycle of yo-yo dieting, calorie restriction, and binge eating. Interestingly, I can’t recall my weight during that time, as I was more preoccupied with how my body felt than with the numbers on the scale.

The driving force behind my eating disorder wasn’t just physical; it stemmed from a toxic inner dialogue. People often overlook that eating disorders intertwine closely with mental health. On the outside, I appeared to be an average 5’5” young woman—not too thin, but not overweight either. However, what was hidden beneath the surface revealed a different story.

I never dropped below 100 pounds, but I meticulously controlled every calorie I consumed and adhered to strict dietary rules. I never purged, but I exercised to the point of sickness to atone for eating. I often would go an entire day without food, terrified of what others might think if they saw me eat. In reality, they would likely just encourage me to nourish myself, but I was convinced they saw me as a worthless person who couldn’t control herself.

Engaging in these behaviors for eight years severely impacted my metabolism and insulin sensitivity, affecting my ability to lose weight even today. I tried various diets from Weight Watchers to Keto and even resorted to questionable appetite suppressants.

Because I didn’t fit the mold of a typical eating disorder case, finding help proved challenging. However, my daughters’ births in 2012 and 2014 marked the start of my recovery journey. Addressing my underlying mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, played a crucial role in my healing.

My greatest motivation for seeking help has been my daughters. I refuse to let them endure the same pain and turmoil that an eating disorder brought into my life. Toxic diet culture isn’t going away anytime soon, but we can strive to dismantle the harmful narratives it perpetuates.

Although progress has been made in body acceptance and healthy relationships with food, the fight is far from over. In our household, we actively promote positive views about food and body image:

We eat to gain energy for activities like skipping rope and playing hide and seek.
We don’t label food as moral; it can be sweet or salty, but it’s never good or bad.
We exercise to feel strong and healthy—not as a punishment.

Now that my daughters are 6 and 8, I hold my breath, hoping their body image experiences will differ from mine. Ultimately, I can only have honest conversations with them and demonstrate what body acceptance truly looks like.

If you’d like to explore more about navigating fertility and the journey of home insemination, check out this post, which delves into the topic. For expert resources on pregnancy, you can also visit Healthline. If you’re looking for guidance on your fertility journey, Make A Mom provides valuable information.

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Summary:

In her heartfelt narrative, Jessica Lane shares her personal struggle with diet culture and the eating disorder it instigated. She reflects on her past experiences and the detrimental impact of societal pressures on body image, vowing to protect her daughters from the same fate. By fostering a positive relationship with food and body acceptance in her home, Jessica aims to cultivate an environment where her daughters can thrive, free from the constraints of toxic diet culture.

Keyphrase: Protecting Daughters from Diet Culture

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