45+ Hilarious England Jokes That Even Shakespeare Wouldn’t Have Written

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If your knowledge of England is limited to Mr. Bean and Queen Elizabeth, prepare for a delightful (and comedic) education on everything British. Think being English means you’re devoid of humor? Not a chance! The Brits have gifted us with Monty Python, Shakespeare’s comedies, and an endless supply of rain jokes. And who could forget the gems that are Doctor Who and The Office? British humor is characterized by its clever wit and satirical nature. With topics ranging from the British royal family to Brexit and the notorious posh accent, there’s plenty to laugh about, considering England’s tumultuous history of leaving chaos in its wake.

So, brew yourself a cup of tea, crank up some Beatles tunes, and get ready for a hearty collection of the funniest and cheesiest England jokes and puns. We have something for everyone, featuring a delightful mix of London, Shakespeare, Manchester, and Brexit humor. It truly is the finest collection of British jokes on this side of the Atlantic. Cheers!

England Jokes and Puns

1. How do all English jokes begin? By checking over your shoulder.
2. What do you call an Englishman during the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.
3. What do you call London without power? Londoff.
4. What does the Loch Ness monster dine on? Fish and ships.
5. My dad drives a bus that circles Big Ben. He works around the clock.
6. Did you know Shakespeare once performed a pun-themed play? It was a play on words.
7. Remember when Britain was part of the EU? I still recall it like it was yesterday.
8. What did Shakespeare have for lunch? A Caesar salad.
9. A woman fainted on The London Eye. She’s slowly coming round.
10. I bought some “London Bridge Jeans.” They keep falling down.
11. What’s Great Britain’s biggest export? Independence days.
12. The past tense of William Shakespeare? Wouldiwas Shookspeared.
13. What did America say to Britain when it stumbled? U.K.?
14. Why do Brits love tea? Because tea leaves.
15. Why don’t Americans spell “color” as “colour”? It’s their way of saying they don’t need u.
16. Brits prefer brooms over vacuums for cleaning. But that might be a sweeping generalization.
17. What do you call someone who’s only kind of British? Brit-ish.
18. How will Christmas dinner change post-Brexit? No Brussels!
19. What did Britain tell its trade partners? See EU later.
20. What do the UK and bad houseguests share? They linger far too long.
21. What’s a typical British breakfast? Cheerios, ‘ol chap.
22. What do you call a pancake-only restaurant? All Day Brexit.
23. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor! Doctor who? A fantastic show, isn’t it?
24. “What is black and white and red all over? An English steak that’s overcooked and ruined by ketchup and mayonnaise.” — Marcel Lucont
25. What do you call an Aussie visiting England? Returning to the scene of the crime.
26. A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds. She must be exhausted.
27. What’s the longest word in English? ‘Smiles.’ There’s a mile between its first and last letters.
28. What do people wear in England? Tea-shirts.
29. What’s a Dollar Store called in England? Pound Town.
30. Why didn’t pirates sail down the River Thames? Scurvy.
31. The inventor of the Oxford Comma has passed away. Tributes have come from his wife, J.K. Rowling, and the Queen.
32. An Englishman was left in a vegetative state after being hit by a car, bus, and tractor. It was an Oxford Coma.
33. What did Shakespeare name his shower? McBath.
34. To attract a partner, I like to quote Shakespeare’s Hamlet: “Hello.”
35. What did Shakespeare’s dog say at the vet? From the windows to the walls till the vet cuts off my balls.
36. What’s the difference between Shakespeare and Eminem? Eminem had no ghostwriter.
37. What do British women call their menstruation? A bloody mess.
38. How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb? One to promise a brighter future and the rest to mess it up.
39. What’s the difference between Google Chrome and Manchester City? Chrome has history.
40. What’s the difference between a triangle and Manchester United? A triangle has three points.
41. The Beatles walk into an orange submarine. Oops, wrong sub!
42. What did Ringo say before the Beatles split? “Hey, guys! Can we try some of my songs?”
43. What would Sir Paul McCartney sing to an octopus? I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
44. Why was it named Brexit? They should’ve gone with the Great British Break Off!
45. What do Brexit and my dog have in common? They both beg to be let out but just sit at the door when they finally are.
46. What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup? Stop playing FIFA and head to bed.
47. Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

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Summary

This article presents a delightful array of over 45 England jokes that showcase the wit and humor of British culture. From playful puns to clever observations, these jokes cover various topics including Brexit, Shakespeare, and quintessential British quirks. Whether you’re a fan of classic humor or modern comedy, this collection offers something for everyone.

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