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On May 10, 2020, I stood in my backyard with my son, Ethan, and my two nieces, capturing selfies to celebrate Mother’s Day. In the midst of smiles and laughter, a wave of fear washed over me. I thought, “Please, don’t let this be my last Mother’s Day.” Just weeks earlier, I had discovered a lump in my breast. I felt something was off, which is why I hesitated to visit my doctor before the holiday. Instead, I scheduled an appointment for May 14. Deep down, I sensed it would lead to bad news, and I wanted to hold on to this joyful moment a little longer.
Tragically, my instincts were correct. My world was shattered when I saw the nurse practitioner’s expression change as I guided her hand to the lump. No words were necessary; we both understood it wasn’t good. Just days later, a mammogram and ultrasound confirmed my worst fears: I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer, with the disease present in both breasts and my lymph nodes.
After receiving the diagnosis, I had to face my precious son, Ethan. The memories flood back as I write this, and tears stream down my face. Without me saying a word, Ethan looked at me and screamed, “No! No! No, mommy!” He curled into a ball, overwhelmed with pain. We held each other, crying until we had no tears left.
At just 13, Ethan was already grappling with the challenges of the pandemic—two months of isolation from friends and family. Now, he was faced with the reality of his mother battling cancer. It was an unbearable burden for anyone to bear, let alone a child.
Looking back nearly a year later, I’m relieved I didn’t know the extent of the challenges awaiting me. The pain was unimaginable—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually—especially as a solo mom. The pandemic made everything more difficult, as we were unable to have friends and family nearby for support. I even found myself in the emergency room, fighting for my life, with a dangerously low white blood cell count.
Thankfully, my mother lives with us. Having her support was an incredible blessing. She stepped in to care for Ethan when I was too sick to do so myself. I’m grateful for her presence; while I may not have a partner, I have friends and family who fill that void.
Following my double mastectomy, I felt traumatized by the loss of my size D breasts. Waking up from surgery and realizing they were gone was devastating. My initial reaction was a guttural scream that echoed my heartbreak. I remember a female medical assistant wiping away tears, a moment I wish no woman ever has to experience.
As I transitioned into chemotherapy, I faced hair loss. I initially tried to shield Ethan from how sick I looked by wearing hats, but they became too hot to bear. My type of breast cancer was fueled by excess estrogen, leading to the removal of my ovaries and early menopause on top of chemotherapy. Eventually, I had to let Ethan see me without my hair. He responded with such kindness, reminding me that my worth wasn’t defined by my appearance. He reassured me that I was still his mom, the same funny and silly person he loved.
Despite his outward courage, I know Ethan was terrified. The fear of recurrence looms large. With my chemotherapy just ending on March 3, I am still adjusting to life after treatment. Each blood test and scan brings anxiety. I refuse to let my fears dictate our lives. Ethan deserves a mother who will fight for him. I will overcome this challenge and move forward.
This Mother’s Day, I celebrate not just surviving but thriving. I am a solo mother, yes, but I am also a survivor.
If you’re interested in more stories and resources, check out this other blog post on home insemination or visit Make a Mom for expert insights on home insemination. For an in-depth understanding of the insemination journey, you can read more on in vitro fertilisation.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt narrative, Jamie Collins shares her journey as a single mother diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer during the pandemic. She reflects on her fears, the emotional toll on her son, Ethan, and the critical support from her mother. Despite the challenges of treatment, loss, and isolation, Jamie emphasizes her determination to overcome the odds and embrace life as a survivor.
Keyphrase: single mother breast cancer survivor
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