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My son has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and it’s been an ongoing challenge that I wouldn’t wish on any parent. When things are good, they are fantastic. But when they take a turn for the worse, I often find myself wanting to retreat to my bed and cry. He recently turned 13, and along with the typical teenage mood swings and defiance, I now have a child who consistently refuses to listen to me and engages in endless arguments. It’s a struggle that wears me down. I love him dearly, but I find it hard to like him at times. What mother admits to that? One who is emotionally drained and overwhelmed. I’m at my wit’s end and unsure of what more I can do.
Yes, we have sought professional help, both together and separately. My spouse and I have worked with a therapist to learn parenting strategies aimed at preventing these conflicts. Those techniques worked when he was younger, but now that he’s older, his resistance feels unyielding. He has chosen me as his target, and if he has a tough day at school, he often comes home ready to pick a fight. It doesn’t matter if the issue is old; if he can argue about it, he will. And I find myself engaging in those arguments too. It’s exhausting listening to his relentless complaints, and I don’t want him to “win” the argument. I am the parent; I should have the upper hand. Yet, at times it feels as though a child is bullying me.
I know I shouldn’t engage. Experts advise taking deep breaths and walking away, suggesting responses like, “Let’s talk about this later when we’re both calm.” That worked for a while, but now I just want to scream. And sometimes, I do. It makes me feel like a terrible mother, like I’ve failed in some way. This isn’t what I envisioned when I chose to become a parent.
His behavior has a ripple effect on our entire family. It’s as if his negative energy permeates our home. His siblings are affected too, and I often find myself neglecting their needs while trying to manage his behavior. It’s not fair to them, and I can sense their growing resentment towards him. They don’t like that he brings negativity into our home, and they don’t want to witness our conflicts. They just long for normalcy.
My relationship with him is anything but ordinary right now. The most heartbreaking part is that he is aware of his actions. Occasionally, he’ll storm off only to return a little later to apologize. Often, these apologies seem more like a means to an end rather than genuine remorse. I can tell when he truly means it; his demeanor softens, and his voice becomes calm. Those sincere apologies often bring me to tears because I recognize the sweet child I know is still within him. I miss that version of him. I can’t help but question how I raised someone who shows such disregard for my feelings. I believed I was doing better than that.
ODD isn’t a choice for him; it’s a behavioral disorder. Deep down, I don’t think he wants to behave this way. His brain processes things differently than mine. He reacts with anger and defiance when I would typically choose to walk away. He can’t seem to do that, and sometimes he simply refuses to comply. It’s incredibly disheartening. No matter how much I try to explain the impact of his actions on me and others, he seems unfazed.
My son is incredibly intelligent and undeniably charming, which makes it even more difficult to admit that I’m struggling to connect with him as his mother right now. He needs my support, my care, and my love—everything I willingly give. I cherish little moments like making his lunch or joking with him. I strive to be the best mother I can be, yet I find myself resenting his behavior. I feel like I’ve somehow failed him. What could I have done differently? Some experts suggest that ODD stems from environmental factors. Have I created a toxic atmosphere? Does he truly dislike being around me? Will things ever improve? These questions weigh heavily on my heart.
It’s essential to note that not every moment is terrible. He can be delightful, sharing laughter and stories about his interests with enthusiasm. His laughter is contagious, and his bright green eyes light up my world. I crave more of those joyful moments and the peaceful family interactions we used to have. My greatest wish is to understand the root of his anger and why he seems to think I’m the one ruining his life. My other children don’t feel this way, and though I know comparison isn’t fair, parenting them feels like a completely different experience. He stands out as the odd man out, and that realization pains me.
Doctors assure me that children can outgrow ODD and develop into well-adjusted adults. The later the onset, the better they tend to manage their behavior as they age. He was around ten when we first noticed the signs. That thought provides some comfort. I’m also relieved that this doesn’t happen at school or with other adults; it’s just me. I can handle it. This is the path I’ve chosen, even if it’s not the conventional one. After all, does anything in life go according to plan?
As my firstborn, he made me a mother, and I will always be grateful for the way he has transformed me. He challenges me, tests my limits, but he also loves me—I know that. He is just a child in need of a mom who will advocate for him, not oppose him. I believe we can navigate through this together. I have faith that things will improve in time, but I must remain steadfast. I need to disengage and allow him to shine. It’s my responsibility to nurture the best in him.
My heart will never waver in its support for him. I just need to clear my head and remind myself not to engage in arguments. We both deserve more. I must be the example and refuse to see myself as a victim. Instead, I will be the victor, guiding him through this challenging phase towards a brighter future. And I will, because my love for him knows no bounds.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that you are not alone. For more insights and resources on parenting challenges and home insemination options, check out this blog post and this authoritative source. Additionally, for more information on treating infertility, this resource may be helpful.
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- Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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Summary:
A mother shares her struggles with her son’s Oppositional Defiant Disorder, detailing the emotional exhaustion and challenges she faces in their relationship. Despite the difficulties, she remains hopeful that with time and effort, they can navigate through this tough phase together. She reflects on her love for her son and her commitment to being a supportive advocate for him.
Keyphrase: “Oppositional Defiant Disorder parenting”
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