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Toothpaste residue. That’s what pushed me over the edge the other night.
Yes, you heard that right. Toothpaste residue.
It might seem absurd to lose it over a little toothpaste left in the bathroom sink, but if you’re a parent of teens or pre-teens, you completely understand. It’s hardly ever just about the toothpaste.
It’s like those dishes piling up in their rooms, or the socks on the floor, or the baseball shoes blocking the entrance. Or that trash that somehow never makes it to the bin.
It’s about the countless reminders I’ve given to clean the bathroom, take down their dishes, pick up their socks, move their shoes, and empty the garbage.
Yet here we are.
I often feel like I’m just nagging them endlessly, only to find that nothing gets done anyway. I absolutely despise it.
My kids might actually be on their way to complete the task I’ve asked of them, only to get sidetracked, leading me to remind them another dozen times before it finally gets accomplished. I’ve witnessed it firsthand.
Believe me, I’ve tried everything. We have a chore chart in the kitchen, and there are consequences for not following through. Yet, here I am, still nagging away while chores are left undone.
Please tell me I’m not alone in this.
I also worry that it isn’t just the nagging that drives me insane – or even the toothpaste residue and the dirty cups cluttering their rooms – it’s the nagging feeling that I’m failing. Why can’t my kids follow through the first time I ask them? Do they even pay attention to me?
And if I don’t keep reminding them, will they grow up to be entitled individuals? If I stop pointing out how gross the toothpaste crust is, will they end up in a life of untidiness? What will I find in their first apartment – heaps of dirty socks and a mountain of half-empty water bottles?
These are the worries that haunt me.
So I nag.
But maybe, just maybe, instead of nagging, I should chill out a bit. Perhaps my kids’ failure to clean the bathroom, despite my reminders, isn’t a form of rebellion or a sign of laziness. It might simply be linked to their underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes.
According to Dr. Eric Mills, a child psychologist, “The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning, problem-solving, and anticipating consequences.” When teens don’t respond immediately, it’s not that they don’t care; they’re just not thinking about how it impacts us.
Dr. Linda Price-Mitchell points out that teens are primarily focused on discovering their identities. They might become someone who values cleanliness or someone who doesn’t. They could be the type to prepare for tests over days or the one who crams the night before. Ultimately, it’s their journey. Nagging, she states, is a way of implying they aren’t meeting our expectations.
Does this mean we should accept our teens lounging on the couch while we clean up after them? Not quite. But it does suggest we need to communicate and establish a plan together. I could choose my battles more wisely. For example, I might be firm about keeping shared spaces like the kitchen tidy, but perhaps I can be more lenient about their bedrooms. I should just accept that their rooms might be chaotic, filled with unwashed clothes, dirty dishes, unfinished homework, and forgotten baseball cards. Just thinking about it makes me anxious, but experts suggest I could benefit from taking a deep breath and closing the door.
I’m not entirely sure what the answer is, but something has to change. Because the only thing that drives me as crazy as the toothpaste residue is the constant nagging about cleaning it up.
For more parenting insights, check out this blog post here. And if you’re looking for a reliable source on home insemination, Make a Mom is a great place to start, along with this valuable resource from the American Pregnancy Association.
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In summary, it’s a common struggle for parents to feel like they are constantly nagging their kids, especially when it comes to chores around the house. While it can be frustrating, understanding the developmental aspects of adolescence might help ease some of that frustration. Instead of focusing solely on nagging, parents could benefit from open communication and setting clear expectations. Finding a balance between maintaining household order and allowing teens the space to grow is essential.
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