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This post may be uncomfortable to share, but amidst the ongoing debate about the “irreversible damage” associated with puberty blockers and hormone replacement therapy (HRT), it’s vital to discuss the struggles trans women face when denied necessary care during childhood.
From the age of 4, I knew I was a girl. However, fear, shame, and a lack of understanding about gender identity confined me to the closet for 33 years. Had I encountered positive representations of trans women when I was young, I would have undoubtedly come out sooner. I often wished to wake up as the girl I knew I was, and had I been aware of the treatment options available, I would have eagerly pursued them.
Growing up in Indiana during the 1990s, I was bombarded with negative stereotypes about trans women. I was told that we were merely men pretending to be women, often depicted in degrading ways, which led me to hide my true self. I endured a traumatic masculine puberty that I nearly didn’t survive. I was hospitalized twice due to suicide attempts and was prescribed a range of medications that failed to help.
The changes from male puberty were distressing. When I hear the term “irreversible damage,” I think of the profound impact that masculine puberty had on me. My voice deepened, my body broadened, and I developed facial hair that felt like a constant reminder of my struggles.
Now that I am living authentically, I am finally receiving the care I need. The image I’ve shared shows the aftermath of a facial electrolysis session aimed at removing facial hair—a process that has been both painful and costly. So far, I have spent $25,000 on these treatments, and I consider it a worthwhile investment in my well-being.
If I had access to puberty blockers and HRT at the right age, I could have avoided much of this pain and expense. The irreversible changes from male puberty have left me with a face that draws unwanted attention and hostility in public, exacerbating my anxiety stemming from past trauma. I face the prospect of costly surgeries to correct these features, but I would gladly pay for them.
I have also dedicated a year to vocal therapy to help me find my true voice, and I may still need surgery to achieve a comfortable vocal range. If puberty blockers and HRT had been available to me, much of this suffering could have been averted.
My heart aches for the trans youth whose parents refuse to allow them access to puberty blockers and HRT under medical supervision. I wonder if these parents realize the long-term resentment their children may hold against them for denying their true identities. If I discovered that my parents had known I was trans and chose to suppress me instead of supporting me, I would never forgive them.
Now, many trans kids live in states where harmful laws are being enacted, making it illegal for them to receive the affirmation they need. These children will remember who stood in the way of their true selves, and they will not forget.
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Summary:
In this poignant reflection, the author shares their struggles as a trans woman who faced significant challenges due to the lack of access to puberty blockers and HRT during childhood. They recount the pain of undergoing a masculine puberty, resulting in distressing physical changes and emotional turmoil. The author emphasizes the importance of providing appropriate medical care for trans youth, urging parents to understand the long-term impact of denying their children’s identities.
Keyphrase: Puberty blockers and HRT for trans youth
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