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As a young widow navigating life after losing my husband to COVID-19, I find it incredibly frustrating when people claim that “children are not impacted by COVID.” Over the past year, I have witnessed my three-year-old daughter, Mia, grapple with the harsh reality that her dad will never come home again.
I’ve had to explain to her that her father went to the hospital to recover but became too ill. I’ve comforted her as she processes that because his heart stopped, he is now in heaven, always in our hearts but out of reach. It pains me to see her lose interest in her favorite foods and stare blankly, clearly missing her dad.
For months, Mia stood by the door, waiting for her dad to come home, and each time she ran into our room, she expected him to be there. I’ve endured her questions, “Where is Dad?” or “When will Dad come home?” Her expressions of love and longing for a “Dad hug” are heart-wrenching. I’ve held her close during her tough moments, feeling helpless to alleviate her grief.
Every night, Mia kisses a picture of her dad, saying, “Goodnight, Dad in heaven, I love you.” She carries his photo around the house, wishing she could hug him, and often asks to watch videos of him singing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” with her. She reflects on the special cake they made together on her second birthday, reaching up to the sky, saying, “I can’t reach Dad; he’s too high up in the clouds.”
Adding to my heartache, I also have a 17-month-old son, Leo, who was only four months old when his father fell ill and just five months old when he passed. Sadly, Leo will not have his own memories of his dad and will have to rely on pictures and stories. This thought breaks my heart even more. Over the past year, I’ve watched him grow into a joyful little toddler, but I often wonder how his father’s absence will affect him as he grows and realizes he doesn’t have a dad like his peers do.
Mia has made progress in her grieving process, but the impact of COVID has forever altered her and Leo’s lives, along with the estimated 40,000 other children who have lost a parent during this pandemic. It’s impossible to deny the effects; I’ve seen them firsthand. Through my involvement in a support group for young widows and widowers of COVID-19, I’ve connected with others facing similar struggles. Each story shared deepens my empathy for not only my children but for all children navigating the pain of unexpected loss.
This is our reality: we are not just grappling with our own grief but also navigating our children’s. It’s a heavy burden to bear. My fellow widows and widowers have witnessed how this pandemic has transformed our children’s lives, marking them as the youngest victims of a tragedy that will forever shape their futures. So next time you hear someone say kids aren’t affected by COVID, remember the countless young children whose lives have changed irrevocably due to losing a parent to this virus.
For more insights and support, check out this blog post. Additionally, if you’re considering home insemination options, Make A Mom provides excellent resources on the subject. You can also refer to American Pregnancy for valuable information on donor insemination.