I Thought My Anxiety Was Normal, But It Wasn’t

Everyone experiences anxiety at some point, often without realizing it. We worry about everyday situations like exams or first dates, as well as significant life events such as becoming a parent or facing a loved one’s illness. Before seeking therapy, I believed the anxiety I felt was just a common human experience. I initially sought help to navigate my feelings around a potential divorce after a long-term relationship, thinking my concerns were typical. However, I soon discovered that my anxiety ran deeper than mere confusion or a busy mind.

While I was familiar with terms like anxiety and depression, I never associated them with myself. I always believed that my worries were just part of being an adult—my mother had often said, “we come from a line of worriers.” I thought that as long as I had never thought about ending my life, I couldn’t possibly be depressed.

However, I learned that my experiences were not normal at all. Coming home from work and isolating myself in bed, watching TV every night, was not typical behavior. Feeling unworthy of happiness or excitement wasn’t normal either. My anxiety hindered my ability to enjoy my life, especially with a beautiful child who brought me so much joy.

Upon receiving this diagnosis, I hoped for a clear path to recovery. After all, going to a doctor usually results in treatment and healing. However, mental health issues proved to be far more complex. I was given tools to manage my anxiety, but even during good times, those feelings lurked beneath the surface, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike.

There are periods when I forget about my anxiety. When I’m thriving at work, pushing myself at the gym, and planning fun activities with my daughter, I feel invincible. Yet, a late night finishing a movie can trigger a wave of anxiety the following day. I question my competence in meetings or worry about being a bad parent if my daughter watches TV while I do household chores. I even fret that my partner might leave me, despite knowing these thoughts are irrational.

When certain triggers arise, that’s when the real turmoil begins—panic attacks. They often come when I’m already anxious, adding layers of intensity to my feelings. I find myself enveloped in a bubble, where the world fades away, and darkness takes over. Though these episodes are infrequent, they tend to resurface during challenging times, like my divorce or the sudden loss of my beloved pet. Thankfully, the coping strategies I learned in therapy can help. Finding time to meditate or listening to my calming Spotify playlist can mitigate the anxiety before it becomes overwhelming.

John Mayer’s song “Emoji of a Wave” resonates with me, especially during tough moments. While the song isn’t about anxiety, I find myself repeating its chorus when I feel the onset of a panic attack: “Oh honey, it’s just a wave, and when it comes, I just hold on.”

While music is my preferred coping mechanism, it may not work for everyone. What’s important is the conversation around anxiety and mental health. If sharing my experiences helps someone else feel less alone, it’s worth the vulnerability. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You’re not alone in this journey.

For more insights on managing anxiety and mental health, check out this other blog post. Additionally, for those looking into home insemination, Make a Mom provides valuable resources, as does the NHS for pregnancy-related inquiries.

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Summary:

This article reflects on the author’s realization that their anxiety was more profound than they initially believed. It discusses the struggles of coping with anxiety and panic attacks, the importance of seeking help, and finding effective coping mechanisms. The author emphasizes the value of sharing experiences to help others feel less isolated in their mental health journeys.

Keyphrase: “understanding anxiety and mental health”

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