A Fellow Mom Asked Me About Expanding Her Family—Here’s What I Held Back

Just the other day, while chatting with another mom, our conversation drifted toward our kids. We realized our toddlers are almost the same age, and she shared her frustration about being frequently asked when she plans to have another baby. I empathized with her, saying a simple “UGH,” as I completely understood her discomfort.

“I’m not sure if I want another,” she confessed. “I’m already exhausted. People say I shouldn’t wait too long because my kids might be too far apart, but I’m fine with that. I just know I’m not ready right now. Plus…” she lowered her voice, “I don’t even know if I can have another.”

Time constraints prevented me from diving deeper into my own experiences, but there was so much I wanted to share. I didn’t mention that, unlike her, I had hoped to have my children closer in age. I didn’t reveal the heartache I had faced, where uncertainty about having another child became a part of my story.

I refrained from recalling a baby shower where, only months after my own loss, someone asked when I’d be having another baby. The timing was agonizing; I should have been celebrating my own impending arrival instead. I didn’t share how, on my lost baby’s due date, someone told me I was running out of time to have another, leaving me to fake a smile while I desperately wanted to escape.

But as much as I wanted to share, I knew she didn’t need to hear all of that. However, it’s clear that many people still do need a reminder. Maybe it comes from a good place, or maybe it’s just casual conversation, but asking someone about their family planning can stir up real pain and frustration.

Instead, I reassured her that it’s perfectly okay to decide to have one child. I shared that my children are five years apart, and that age gap has been a blessing in many ways. I encouraged her to trust her instincts about when the right time is to expand her family, reminding her that societal pressures shouldn’t dictate her choices.

Regardless of how many children we have or how many we’re expected to have, all mothers are worthy. Questions about a woman’s fertility are deeply personal and often come with baggage that others may not see. So please, keep those inquiries to yourself; the journey of motherhood is often more complex than it appears.

If you’re interested in learning more about fertility, you can check out this informative post on home insemination. For those curious about boosting fertility, Make a Mom offers some great insights. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, the Fertility Center at Johns Hopkins is an excellent place to start.

Summary

Conversations about expanding families can be sensitive, and it’s essential to approach the subject with care. Many women face unique challenges regarding family planning, making unsolicited inquiries potentially painful. Instead, supporting each other’s choices and recognizing that every motherhood journey is personal fosters a more compassionate dialogue.

Search Queries:

Keyphrase: Conversations about having more kids

Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]