As I approach my milestone birthday—turning 40—I find myself reflecting on the years gone by. Four decades once felt like an eternity, and I assumed I would have everything perfectly arranged by now. Yet, here I stand, still grappling with the same insecurities I had as a teenager, albeit with a few more wrinkles and age spots to accompany my ongoing battle with adult acne.
Despite the uncertainty, I’ve gleaned a few essential truths over these years, particularly the art of letting go—specifically, the need for everyone to approve of me. This is a crucial lesson that I’m still in the process of mastering. It’s akin to a mental note, a reminder on my mirror that says:
NOTE TO SELF: Not everyone is going to like you.
ANOTHER NOTE TO SELF: Not everyone needs to like you.
Some may dislike you for being too honest or too bold. Others might label you as too opinionated because you dare to discuss topics like politics and religion, which some deem taboo in “polite” company. But here’s the truth: it’s perfectly acceptable for others to disagree with your views. It doesn’t diminish your right to advocate for justice, love, and compassion. Sometimes, changing the world means upsetting the status quo.
Keep speaking up. Keep fighting for what matters.
You may also encounter people who dislike you simply because you’re not their type—perhaps you laugh too loudly or speak too frequently. Those aren’t your people. Some may reject you based on your race, religion, gender, or political beliefs. You might be perceived as too liberal for some and not liberal enough for others. The reality is that some will think you’re not cool or intriguing enough, while others may judge you based on success or popularity. To them, I say: forget it.
There will be instances where you unintentionally hurt someone, and that’s on you. It’s essential to acknowledge those mistakes and make amends. Yet, at times, people may just not be drawn to you for no apparent reason. And that’s okay—after all, not everyone has to get along, and the world functions that way. Unless, of course, you’re Nutella.
Learning this isn’t easy, particularly for someone like me who thrives on approval. I crave acceptance, and rejection—like seeing photos of an event I wasn’t invited to—can sting deeply. But the truth remains: not everyone will like everyone, and that’s a simple yet complex reality.
When I think about my hopes for my children, I’m not focused on their success or popularity. I want them to be happy, content, and comfortable in their own skin. I desire for them to embrace and love themselves fully. If I wish that for them, why shouldn’t I extend the same grace to myself?
So, while it’s a painful lesson to accept—and I would love to be the universally adored jar of Nutella—it’s vital to recognize that I cannot please everyone. Not everyone will love me, and that’s perfectly fine. Now, where did I put that jar of Nutella?
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In summary, embracing the fact that not everyone will like you is a crucial part of personal growth. It’s a lesson I’m continually learning, and it’s one that can ultimately lead to greater self-acceptance and happiness.