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There are numerous subjects that I find challenging to engage with, often due to a lack of understanding. Unlike others who may charge ahead with their misconceptions or claim to have more knowledge than they do, I prefer to listen and learn. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge uncertainty and admit to mistakes. However, my desire to grasp certain topics, especially around disability, can sometimes lead to discomfort. This discomfort should not deter us from striving to improve our understanding and approach.
I’m currently navigating the complexities of disability and reflecting on my own implicit biases regarding ableism. I want to ensure that I can have meaningful discussions with my children about people with disabilities and respond thoughtfully to their inquiries. Fortunately, there are many advocates and individuals with disabilities who generously share their experiences and knowledge, leaving no room for excuses when it comes to learning and evolving my perspective.
The first step for everyone is to become familiar with and respect the terminology that individuals use to define themselves. There is a stigma associated with the terms “disabled” and “disability.” For too long, society has marginalized those who do not fit into the conventional norms, whether that be individuals who are overweight, queer, or part of BIPOC communities. As a queer individual, I’ve often faced criticism for using the term to define myself, with some suggesting it carries negative connotations. Yet, it is an integral part of my identity, a way for me to connect with others who share similar experiences. Rather than confronting their own biases, some expect me to conform for their comfort. This is not how we should practice allyship or respect towards marginalized groups, and the same principle applies to the term “disabled.”
One insightful perspective comes from the Neurodivergent Teacher, who emphasizes that using euphemisms to describe disability undermines the challenges faced by disabled individuals and the ongoing fight for accessibility. Emily Lane, a writer and disability activist, elaborates in her book Demystifying Disability on how discomfort with the term “disability” often leads to the use of less meaningful phrases like “special needs” or “differently abled.” However, everyone has varying needs and abilities, making those terms quite vague. Lane notes that 15 percent of the global population identifies as disabled, making this group the largest minority worldwide, and she has created a guide to foster a more inclusive and accessible environment for individuals with disabilities.
Lane asserts that true allyship involves meaningful actions. Non-disabled parents can serve as allies to the disability community by actively engaging with the work of disabled individuals and ensuring that their children do the same.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that children are naturally curious and will ask questions. Adults have a responsibility to respond positively, avoiding any behavior that may silence or shame individuals with disabilities. If a child points out a disabled person and asks, “What’s wrong with them?” it’s essential to rephrase the inquiry respectfully. A good response could be, “That person has a disability, which is simply part of who they are.” If you don’t know the answer to a question your child poses, be honest about it and learn together.
Heather Smith, a writer and mother of two with a chronic illness, advises confirming the child’s observation while gauging the disabled person’s comfort level with the conversation. Often, individuals with disabilities are open to discussing their experiences, but it’s important not to put them on the spot. Parents should avoid making disabled individuals feel invisible by avoiding eye contact or interaction out of awkwardness.
Don’t wait for an encounter with a disabled person to reflect on the spaces you and your child occupy. Consider whether these spaces are accessible for everyone. Ask, “Who is present? Why or why not?” Remember, while ramps can benefit everyone, stairs can exclude some. If there’s only room for one, why are stairs the default? We must prioritize accessibility to ensure everyone has equal opportunities.
To further engage children, Smith recommends reading You Can’t Invite a Fish to a Dance Party by Jessica Williams, a book about well-meaning characters who inadvertently exclude a friend based on assumptions.
People with disabilities don’t need us to advocate for them or validate their feelings. They should never have to justify their worth or the impact of well-meaning intentions. Our role is to listen, learn, and strive to do better. While discomfort may arise, it’s crucial to embrace that feeling in order to foster a more inclusive world for all.
Lane emphasizes that we live in a society that often makes differences uncomfortable, making it vital to actively challenge that mindset.
For more insights, check out this other blog post and explore resources on pregnancy and home insemination, including this authoritative source. Additionally, you can learn more about the topic of artificial insemination here.
Summary
Understanding and discussing disability requires respect for the language that individuals choose to describe themselves. It’s essential for both parents and children to engage with curiosity and empathy, promoting inclusivity and accessibility. By embracing discomfort and committing to learning, we can create a more compassionate society for all.
Keyphrase: Understanding disability language
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