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As adults, we often face the harsh truth that not everyone will like us. It’s a tough pill to swallow, and for those who weren’t taught otherwise, this realization can lead to a decline in self-worth and confidence. So, should we shield our children from this reality by telling them that some people won’t like them? Or should we let them discover it the hard way, as many of us did? If we decide to prepare them for this truth, at what age is it appropriate to start?
Every child is unique, and each situation is different. However, I believe that addressing this issue early on can help mitigate the self-confidence struggles that can arise from this realization. It’s crucial to teach our children that their self-worth is not determined by others’ opinions.
Last year, I picked up my three-year-old son, Max, from a developmental class. His enthusiasm for learning was evident, so we decided to enroll him in weekly sessions to foster his growth. After one particular session, Max’s teacher mentioned, “I want to prepare you; some people may feel jealous of Max. Even adults could be intimidated by him…” While I appreciate her intent to guide me, it caught me off guard. Max is a delightful child, intelligent beyond his years, but not everyone will embrace that.
The teacher’s comments, combined with instances where other kids didn’t want to play with him, made me realize it was time for a heart-to-heart. While I initially dismissed children’s behavior as typical, I recognized that as they grow older, jealousy could lead to intentional exclusion.
I knew I had to help Max develop resilience against this eventuality. It’s a reality that no one can be liked by everyone—and that’s perfectly fine.
Although I was apprehensive about initiating this conversation, fearing it might confuse or sadden him, I approached it with care. I explained that sometimes other kids might not want to play. When he asked why, I reassured him it wasn’t personal; sometimes people just feel that way, and it’s okay. I emphasized that his worth is not tied to others’ choices.
After our chat, I asked Max what he would do if someone didn’t want to play with him. He replied, “I’ll ask if they can be my friend!” I praised his response but suggested that if they truly didn’t want to play, he should find someone else to engage with. He accepted that and seemed at ease.
A couple of days later, I revisited the topic, asking him what he would do in that situation again. He confidently said, “I’ll ask if they can be my friend, and if they don’t want to be, that’s okay. I’ll just play with someone else!” In true Max fashion, he’s now sharing this wisdom with his younger sibling, teaching her that it’s perfectly normal for people to want to spend time alone sometimes.
We’re on the right track, helping him understand that it’s unrealistic to expect universal acceptance. As parents, facing this truth is challenging, but by equipping our children to handle adversity, we provide them with a valuable gift for their future.
For more insights, check out this related post on home insemination. If you’re exploring topics around conception, Make A Mom offers helpful resources, and ACOG is an excellent site for understanding infertility treatments.
Summary
Navigating the reality that not everyone will like us is a significant part of growing up. By talking to our children early about this truth, we can help them build resilience and confidence. Through open dialogues, we can instill the understanding that their self-worth is independent of others’ opinions.
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