I Gained Weight During Quarantine — Here’s What I Learned

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During the quarantine, like many others, I found myself gaining weight. Interestingly, I started this period at a lower weight than usual for various reasons unrelated to any dieting efforts. Having polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), managing my weight can be a challenge. When my symptoms are under control, I often lose weight; when they flare up, my weight tends to increase. Pregnancy has always led to significant weight loss for me since PCOS doesn’t seem to play a role during that time. It’s almost as if the relationship between weight and self-worth is far too complicated, and the idea that simply eating a salad will solve everything is far from the truth!

When COVID-19 first struck, I was at one of my lowest weights in years, largely due to having a newborn. This weight loss stirred up a mix of emotions, including the frustrating feeling that being smaller made me more valuable and attractive. While I understand that my body can change in response to life events, I’ve been actively working on separating my self-worth from my weight. If I equate my beauty and value with being thinner, then gaining weight inevitably leads to feelings of inadequacy.

For the past year, my family has taken extensive precautions against COVID-19, largely staying at home. My focus has shifted to various aspects of life, and my body size hasn’t been one of my priorities. As a result, my weight has increased, bringing me back to my normal size. Growing up in a culture obsessed with dieting, I won’t deny that seeing the scale rise initially felt disappointing. Each added pound seemed like a step away from the “ideal” thinness. However, I’ve refused to dwell in that space of self-comparison and disappointment.

Let me tell you, the work I’ve put into dissociating my body size from my worth has been immensely rewarding. Through this journey, I’ve come to recognize the emotional scars from my childhood that have influenced my body image. It’s crucial to accept that my body was perfectly fine back then, despite what others said, and it remains just as good now, regardless of societal pressure.

In the past, I’ve mistakenly linked the sensation of hunger with moral superiority, believing that the longer I felt hungry, the better I was as a person. This harmful mindset is something I’ve worked hard to overcome. I now remind myself that hunger is just my body signaling a need for nourishment, and everyone — regardless of size — deserves to eat when hungry. During a pandemic, it’s even more natural to respond to hunger cues more easily than before.

Constant negative messaging about larger bodies has instilled fear within me about gaining weight, making me worry about being perceived as a failure or unattractive. It’s essential to remember that my worth and beauty are not contingent on fitting into a shifting and often unattainable ideal of body size.

Recently, during a routine medical appointment for a non-weight-related issue, I asked the nurse if I could skip the scale. I knew I had gained weight since my last visit and didn’t want to confront it that day. She kindly agreed. When I met with my doctor, she asked how I was doing and checked in on my anxiety. Not once did she mention my weight. When I brought it up, she simply said, “Stop. You don’t need to explain. I’m not concerned about your weight today. You’re healthy and have three kids; let’s focus on what matters right now.” This affirmation underscored that accepting changes in my body during an extraordinary time is not just advisable; it’s essential.

If you’ve also gained a few pounds during the pandemic, know that you’re not alone, and it’s perfectly okay to show yourself some grace. Embracing your body as a living, changing organism that adapts to your circumstances can be liberating. Gaining weight isn’t a sign of failure; it’s evidence that you have taken care of yourself through a tumultuous period. Many have suffered losses, but you’re still here — and that’s what truly matters.

As I reflect on my journey, I’ve learned that it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that there’s a little more of me to love and appreciate now.

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Summary

This article discusses the author’s experience with weight gain during quarantine and the importance of separating self-worth from body size. Through challenges like PCOS and societal pressures, the author emphasizes the need for self-acceptance and grace, recognizing that one’s value is not tied to weight. The piece serves as a reminder that change is a natural part of life, especially in unprecedented circumstances.

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