Let me start by being completely frank. I’m not the kind of woman who envisioned raising a child with a partner by my side, mainly because I never thought I would become a parent at all.
As a child, my playtime consisted of holding a hairbrush as a microphone. I often imagined myself as a rock star, a news anchor, or a celebrated author delivering an inspiring address. Dolls and the notion of motherhood held no appeal for me, and I never partook in the playground weddings that my classmates adored in fifth grade. That simply wasn’t my thing.
Then came my son—an unexpected, beautiful, and magical surprise. I’m grateful my life took a different path than I had planned. The universe knew I needed him, and I’m a better person for it. I marvel every day at the privilege of being entrusted with his vibrant spirit.
Yet, not having envisioned this role means I often feel lost. Perhaps none of us truly grasp what parenting entails. Just imagine if babies came with instruction manuals!
To complicate things, I’m a solo mom, not merely a single mom. This means no weekends off, no partner to lean on when I’m overwhelmed with discipline or just need a breather after a tough day. While I’m incredibly fortunate to have my mother around, it doesn’t replace the support of a co-parent who shares equal investment in our child’s upbringing.
My son’s biological father, whom I refer to as a co-creator, resides in Dublin, Ireland. We fell in love during my travels through Europe, but when I became pregnant and he chose not to be involved, he demonstrated cowardice rather than commitment.
Being a solo mom can be challenging. Beyond the obvious struggles—finances, responsibilities, and emotional tolls—there’s the aspect of being surrounded by non-solo moms. I see single moms as my soul sisters, yet I often find myself in situations—like swimming lessons or school events—facing co-parenting couples. They’re two people, hand in hand, proudly supporting their child together.
I don’t know what “together” feels like. It’s always been just me—alone—without anyone to share the joy of cheering for my child. I observe other women with partners who seem equally excited about their kids, and it leaves me in awe. It feels as alien as watching an extraterrestrial event.
Then I remind myself that my perceptions of those relationships might be as exaggerated as a wrestling match. They might be more like roommates with scheduled intimacy and limited deep conversations, rather than the fairy-tale duo I imagine.
Still, having someone to share in my son’s victories and joys would be a welcome relief. Someone to lean on, to confide in, and to experience life with would be a precious gift. I’ve never known that kind of companionship.
That said, I don’t want anyone to feel pity for me. I cherish my independence and self-sufficiency. I’ve never been the type to rely on a relationship for my worth or happiness. I’m strong and don’t expect anyone else to fulfill my emotional or financial needs.
This doesn’t mean I’m resentful or cynical. Love can be a beautiful thing when you find the right person. However, not everyone is fortunate enough to encounter that match.
For me, finding “my person” doesn’t have to be romantic. My person is my son. No other role I’ve played has made me feel as valued and cherished as being his mom. It’s a title that no one can take away; I will always be his mom.
Just recently, my son overheard someone saying, “I don’t know how you do it on your own.” Later that night, he asked, “Mom, aren’t you glad you’re a solo mom?” I was curious about his perspective, so I asked him to elaborate. He said, “If you were like other moms who are married, and if I were just like other kids with a dad living with them, we wouldn’t get to spend so much time together. He’d probably feel left out because I love it being just the two of us.”
He had a point. Nobody talks about the perks of being a solo mom. I get to make all the decisions about our lives and fully experience every moment together. I never miss holidays or weekends. When he’s hurt or scared, he runs to me for comfort. He seeks my advice and shares his day with me.
It may come across as selfish, but there’s undeniable beauty in our dynamic as a duo. We are a team, and I am honored to be his number one, just as he is mine.
As a meme I recently saw puts it, “Any woman can be a mother, but it takes a badass woman to be a father, too.”
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Summary:
Becoming a solo mom was never part of my plan, but my son has been a delightful surprise that enriched my life. While navigating parenting alone poses its challenges, the bond I share with my son is unique and fulfilling. I embrace my independence and find joy in our life together, proving that love and partnership can take many forms.
Keyphrase:
solo mom experience
Tags:
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