Recently, I organized a small, pandemic-friendly birthday celebration for my daughter’s fourth birthday. Eager to bring some joy to what has been a challenging year for her, I dedicated myself to planning the party. She requested a princess cake, so I donned my apron and crafted a somewhat lopsided yet charming princess cake. She wanted a piñata, so I scoured Pinterest for DIY ideas, almost injuring myself in the process. I also gathered princess-themed crafts, a bright pink dress, and a collection of somewhat tacky princess jewelry.
On the day of the celebration, my daughter appeared to have a great time. She was thrilled with her dress, indulged in cake, and ensured that her friends left with the least appealing pieces of jewelry. However, she spent most of the party ignoring me completely.
I didn’t anticipate any specific recognition from her, given her age and the fact that she still needs reminders to express gratitude. But when she actively avoided me—running away whenever I attempted to take a picture or share a slice of cake—it stung a bit. After the guests departed, I turned to my husband and asked, nearly pleading, “Do you think she enjoyed it?” He replied, “She’s four, and there was cake. I’m convinced she liked it.” It’s also worth noting that she ignored him that day as well, which didn’t seem to bother him at all. Perhaps it’s because he understands, as I later learned from an insightful source, that a four-year-old’s ability to show appreciation is quite limited.
Moreover, my daughter has spent nearly a year in quarantine. Having a small party in the backyard, even with just a couple of friends, must have been overwhelming for her. It’s understandable that her focus would be on the fun, her friends, and the sugar rush, rather than on acknowledging the effort I put into the event.
Ultimately, her indifference had little to do with me or her views on the party; it was simply a reflection of her age. As a stay-at-home mom who once spent a decade teaching middle school English, I used to be a chronic people pleaser. I often found myself obsessing over the opinions of those who didn’t like me, whether they were students or colleagues.
After my daughter’s party, a friend texted me to say how much she enjoyed the cake and asked about the piñata, which made me feel proud. It was then that I had a realization: my daughter is just four years old. She is not my supervisor or an evaluator of my parenting skills. Why was I allowing her perceived assessment to affect my self-worth?
At the end of the day, I organized a special event for my daughter. I cleaned the house, baked a cake, and even enlisted my husband’s help with the piñata after I had my mishap. I showed her love and care, and that should be enough for me to feel accomplished.
Although it’s tempting to let my children’s unpredictable responses dictate my self-evaluation as a parent, that approach is fundamentally flawed. Just as I wouldn’t let a teenager critique my teaching methods, I shouldn’t let my daughter’s lack of enthusiasm shake my confidence as a parent.
As my kids grow, they will undoubtedly express their opinions and indifference towards my choices. While I understand the importance of feedback, it’s crucial to trust my instincts as a parent. As I begin planning my younger son’s second birthday party, I feel liberated by the fact that I’m focusing more on what I know is right, rather than worrying about what my children might think. Even if he ends up allergic to the petting zoo animals, or changes his mind about the cake theme at the last minute, my love, effort, and dedication to him are what truly count.
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In summary, I’ve learned that my children’s feedback, particularly at such a young age, should not dictate how I feel about my parenting. It’s essential to focus on the love and effort I put into caring for them rather than seeking validation from their reactions.
Keyphrase: Parenting Confidence
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