For nearly two years, I have been avoiding family gatherings, not out of disdain for them, but to protect my children from potentially hurtful remarks. Initially, my hesitance was due to their opinions on our two-mom family. As my son transitioned into adolescence, comments about needing a male role model in his life began to surface. Then, attention shifted to my daughter’s weight gain, prompting me to prioritize distance for the sake of our well-being.
The pandemic inadvertently helped me maintain this distance, allowing me to reinforce boundaries regarding discussions around body image and weight within my family. Growing up in this environment made me acutely aware of how damaging such comments can be. Despite my family’s love for me, their remarks often left me self-conscious about my weight and food choices. Now, as my children—aged five and fourteen—develop relationships with relatives, it’s my responsibility to safeguard their mental and emotional health regarding their bodies and self-esteem.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing boundaries can be challenging, but once set, they tend to be easy to uphold. What family members say matters significantly to us as parents and especially to our children. My daughter, who has a twin sister with a different body type, has already begun to notice these differences at just five years old. She approaches us with questions like, “Is my belly big?” or “If I can’t fit into that, will you still love me?” These inquiries break my heart. Our responses strive to emphasize her beauty and worth beyond her appearance, focusing on her kindness and love for others.
My son, on the other hand, faces a different set of remarks due to his tall and thin physique. Comments like “You’re so skinny!” or “You need to gain some weight” have become commonplace. Initially, I pushed him to eat more due to concerns about his nutritional intake, but I’ve since learned to respect his choices and let him eat what feels right for him.
The Impact of Family Comments
All of my children deserve to feel cherished and supported in every interaction with family, both immediate and extended. While my relatives may worry about our kids’ eating habits, it’s crucial to recognize the harm that shaming can inflict. As noted by Dr. Kahan in a 2015 blog post quoted in The New York Times, “Obesity has been called the last socially acceptable form of prejudice.” It’s painful when such comments come from those who should offer unconditional love.
We cannot predict our children’s future health, but we must acknowledge the long-term consequences of body shaming, which can lead to anxiety and eating disorders. As Marlene Schwartz, a psychologist, explains, teasing children about their weight does not motivate them to lose it; rather, it can cause lasting harm.
Choosing Upliftment
The last thing we want to do is hurt our children. We can choose to uplift them with our words rather than tear them down. When family members make comments about our children’s bodies, it’s essential to remind them to refrain from such discussions and to let parents handle the matter because, ultimately, our children are our responsibility, not that of their aunts, uncles, or grandparents.
Even the American Journal of Pediatrics advocates for a non-judgmental approach when addressing children’s weight, encouraging families to adopt similar attitudes. Their December 2020 statement emphasizes the importance of reducing weight bias in pediatric care.
Instead of shaming our kids, let us support them. My daughter’s pediatrician exemplified this by encouraging a healthy relationship with food while reinforcing her self-love. His words resonated deeply with both my daughter and me, reminding us how impactful language can be.
A Mother’s Duty
As her mother, it is my duty to protect my daughter, stand up for her when she lacks the words to do so, and establish firm boundaries with my family. Discussions about her weight are off-limits. Though I believe my family intends well, they fail to realize that their focus on her body could undermine her sense of self-worth. Showering her with love and affirmations like “You’re beautiful just as you are” will nurture her confidence and remind her that she is so much more than her appearance. In the long run, the remarks they make may inflict more harm than good, and I owe it to her to offer the protection I never had.
Further Reading
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Summary
The author shares her experience of protecting her children from family comments about weight and body image. She emphasizes the importance of establishing boundaries to foster a healthy environment for her kids. The article highlights the detrimental effects of body shaming, advocating for supportive language and unconditional love instead of judgment.
Keyphrase: Protecting children from body shaming
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